Benyi: 0:00

Hello, hello and welcome back to Stairway to Redemption. Today I welcome sti, a personal fitness coach. I had the chance to meet, uh, at my personal, uh, gym and, uh, like me, she had some, uh, issues dealing with, you know, addiction and now she's trying to become an inspiration for other women by helping them. Get fit and get back on track physically, but also, um, uh, emotionally back on track. And today she's gonna tell us her story and also her relationship now with alcohol and drugs. Uh, guys, I give you this, this, what's up? How you doing girl?

Stiz: 0:41

Hi. Thank you for having me. Um, yeah, I'm doing great. I just hope whoever. Is listening in on this, you know, get something out of it for the next hour that even if they don't have a drug addiction, but it's a story of becoming better than you were yesterday, you know? And I just love what I do.

Benyi: 1:01

Awesome. Uh, what the great intro. Uh, so here at the Ster Redemption, we always start with the state of the mind address. So basically, uh, what's going on in your life lately? Something deeper that I'm just doing fine, you know.

Stiz: 1:18

Yeah. Um, not until recently have I really dug into my vulnerability of like speaking about my past because I feel like, especially women, we have to put out this like front, this image that we're perfect. Especially with like the online trolls, right? And so, um, it was a very big deal for me to be out and open about everything, including like my jail time, my drug conditioning.'cause you never know also what sponsorships you're gonna get in the future. So you don't wanna mess that up. But at the same time, I feel like talking about how imperfect we are is gonna resonate with so many more people. And so that they have like a hope that they can be like that as well and be better.

Benyi: 2:03

All right. That's, uh, that's wonderful. By the way, shout out to the cat that has tried to be on the camera too. What's your cat's name?

Stiz: 2:14

Tuia. She actually saved my life, this little brat, you know.

Benyi: 2:19

Oh, really? How, tell us about that. Yeah,

Stiz: 2:21

because I got her actually from my ex-boyfriend and, um, when we had broken up. I was just so down and depressed about everything that I literally wanted to kill myself just because of like past dealing with exes and not thinking that I could ever find somebody to love me, who from who I am. And so, but I was just crying in my bed one day and she was like a little kitten and she just like snuggles on my, my neck and then I was just like, I can't leave her. Like, you know, like it's not a baby, but it's my fur baby. And it's like, who's gonna take care of her? Who's gonna, you know, that's my responsibility. So that's why I decided to just stick it out, you know?

Benyi: 3:07

Awesome. That's, that's great. Petya, I like the flower, right?

Stiz: 3:12

Yes, exactly.

Benyi: 3:13

Yeah, I know, I know. A little bit of flower, but No, like, yeah. Um, yes. So tell us about your story. Like, um, how did you. Uh, what led you to struggling with addiction?

Stiz: 3:31

I, not to preface this by saying I grew up in a very nice high household. My parents were very nice. They provided for my sister and I, um, they came, they migrated from Indonesia to America before I was born. And, um, they never like yelled. They were very softspoken and they were just hardworking immigrants. Right. Um. But what comes with that is babysitting. My mom had to work full-time. My father had to work full-time, so they entrusted a babysitter, you know, um, somebody in the community to babysit me when I was younger. Um, but they didn't know that she would be taking me to like these crazy places. She was married and she was having an affair, and she would take me to the guy's house. And, um, just I guess while they were cheating and I was left alone with the guy's brother. And so, you know, things happened and I was a little kid. I was like three or four, and that definitely traumatized me, you know? And, um, she would take us back to her husband's house, to her house. And he would make me lie to him. Mm-hmm. Saying, you know, about where we were, who we were seeing. So I never experienced that growing up. You know, I had a normal family and so I think that delved into me like toxicity, I just grew up now just learning how to lie and all stuff. I knew was not good. And um, that definitely. But like I, it just made me feel some type of way growing up. Like I couldn't trust people. I had an attachment, um, lifestyle, like I had to be with somebody and it just, it made me turn out the way that I was and I was looking for love and people that were not giving it to me. And so I just relied on alcohol and drugs for whatever was missing. They would cheat on me. They would treat me bad. So I just rely on that as like a crutch, unfortunately. So that's how that started.

Benyi: 5:42

It seems like to me that, uh, you are not abuse yourself, but because you are exposed to abuse that makes you kind, you know that that made you codependent too, right?

Stiz: 5:57

Yeah, and I think it's, it's crazy that. When people who experience abuse, they only self-sabotage themselves even more with, you know, I guess self-medicating with the alcohol, with the drugs, um, instead of just looking at their situation face a value and noticing that that person is not meeting me there. And it's like a sense of validation. Like I want them, I want them to see where I'm coming from and to treat me right. But instead of just walking away, it's like you lack the self love to walk away. And instead you're like chasing their validation. That whole codependency, attachment style love, you know? And I think that's. Something that a lot of people need to like self-reflect because it took me a very long time to realize that, that I, that I was doing that, you know?

Benyi: 6:57

I see. And what led to your dissent into, um, abusing drugs? And also you said like earlier that you, um, you had the unfortunate experience of going to jail. Like do you wanna tell us what happened there?

Stiz: 7:15

Yeah, so. Growing up, I didn't realize I had such a, I'm not sure how to say it, but like, once I try something, it's like I'm addicted to it. An addictive personality, right? Mm-hmm. Yes. And with the alcohol, it's like, I felt so good at the beginning, you know what I mean? Like it just made me not think about things. It made me happier, it made me lose my inhibition. So I definitely did have trouble controlling that growing up. And so I would go to parties all the time. And one time, you know, I got pulled over for a DUI went to court when all of that went to, I had to go to aa. And um, and so that was just like the beginning of my spiral, you know, and, um, going through those courses, having to pay out of pocket so much. Being without a driver's license. It does teach you a lot. You know, it's like, how can you go to work? How can you make money by not having a driver's license? You can't go anywhere, you know? So I feel like it, you can either be stuck there or be better. And so, um, the second time I. But that's what I'm saying. It's like it's, it's a spiral and if you don't fix it, you don't nip it in the butt. Like you can literally go to jail forever or you could die. And you know, it was that moment where I was just like, what the fuck am I doing? You know? Like, where am I gonna be in five years? I know, in essence, down inside, I'm a good person. I wanna be a wife, I wanna be a mother, you know, and I can't be doing this stupid shit. And expecting my future to have a different outcome, you know? And so that's really when I was just like, no, I gotta step it up. I gotta be serious, number one about my money, number two, about my goals. Like, am I gonna be a good mother if a mom is constantly drinking and doing drugs? That party? Like, what kind of mom is that? Am I gonna bring a child into this world by doing that? That's like so selfish. And so that was definitely the pivotal moment where I just. Was serious about everything. My career dropping all the dead weight, dead people, you know, in my past. And I think that is definitely the first step people need to do.

Benyi: 9:44

Mm-hmm. And like, so wait, so if I understand correctly, so you had your first DUI when you had your second DUI and then that's when you had to do some jail.

Stiz: 9:55

Okay. So the first time I was like 17.

Benyi: 9:57

Okay. That's early.

Stiz: 9:59

Okay. Nor what? Yeah. I'm not judging you, I'm

Benyi: 10:04

just messing with you a little bit. But yeah, go ahead. Listen,

Stiz: 10:07

nobody can judge me but God. Right. Amen. Amen. And so and so, the first time was when I was 17. I had my own jail cell'cause I was underage. And um, then I went through the court system and then the same shit happened again. So I didn't learn my lesson. Mm-hmm. And um, the second time was when I was like in my twenties. Um. And I thought I was doing really well. I had one drink, you know, when I was out. But in New York, it zero tolerance. So careful y'all, you know, and um, you're not supposed to drink at all and drive. And so I got booked for that. And then the third time. And the third time I thought I squared everything, all the, the fines, the going to the AA and stuff like that. But, um, I was missing one little thing on the sheet and I was the DMV fine and then I got booked overnight for that. So that's on my freaking record, you know? So, but you know, that was already at that point, the third time in my late twenties, that I had already changed my outlook. You know, it just, it just, I, I don't know. It was the universe telling me like, this could be it. Like, you know what I mean? Just you gotta cross your, uh, t die your i in life. That's how I feel.

Benyi: 11:32

Okay, interesting. So like the third time was like you already had a mindset of changing and wham boom, still something. It's happening to you. That's, that's interesting. You know, some people could have used that experience and be derailed and be like, you know, what's the point? Like, I'm here doing the right thing and life is still hammering me. How did you not like, you know, um, how did you not fall back into your old habits? What kept you? Yeah. And I want you to expand on this. What kept you, what helped you going. On track, like did you had therapy, like religion or like, you know, what, what was your way of of uh, getting back off, uh, back on track.

Stiz: 12:19

All of the above definitely helped me. Um, uh, I did go to therapy. I am not a fan of all therapy, especially nowadays. I feel like they do enable people, you know, depending, you know, it's like any other business. The more you can be corrupt and you want more money in your pocket. All right, so I'm gonna tell you that. Yeah, sure. You're, you're a unicorn. I don't know. You know what I mean? Like you're enabling that.

Robot: 12:44

Yeah.

Stiz: 12:44

But, um, I think you have to take it with discernment. So, like whoever was enabling me, I was just like, no, you're weird. I gotta get rid of you. You know, I need real help. Mm-hmm. And, um, I do honestly believe that what really, really helped me was going to church and finding God.'cause I was never Christian growing up. I was actually born and raised Muslim.

Benyi: 13:10

Yep.

Stiz: 13:11

And so that in itself is a whole conversation about, you know. Not feeling like you're good enough for God and instead of, yeah, we're human, we make mistakes, but we're still loved, and that actually psychologically it made me want to pursue to be better, you know? Then having to deal with. Oh, I have to do the good thing all the time or else I'm not gonna be loved. Does that make sense?

Benyi: 13:41

Yeah. Like a peer pressure of like, uh, like, like the carrot and the stick, right? Like you are doing things not to get the stick because you had to be forced to, if I understand correctly, right? You are like, sure, precise more the consequences than doing the right things for the, for the sake of the virtue itself, right? If.

Stiz: 14:03

Like, I want to do it. I wanna be better now do

Benyi: 14:05

it. Now you're not doing it because you have the fear of, you know, getting punished for not doing it. Uh, that's interesting. Like, uh, that's, that's really good. Um, then, hmm, before I go back to that question, you, you just mentioned something very interesting. I wanted to touch, so like you're not fan of all therapies because you know, like people use it sometimes as crutch and. You know, I had a, uh, what do you call it, that discussion with a friend recently, even he was on the previous episode of the podcast. And we're talking about, you know, I feel like, uh, it has to do with intentions. Sometime people, once they're diagnosed with, uh, with a mental illness or like some condition, it, it gives them like carte blanche to act like, you know, as they want, like. I understand. Same

Stiz: 14:59

with astrology. Yeah. Like, oh my God, you say I'm a, you say I'm a Libra. Okay. Oh yeah. That, that's so me. And then I'm gonna act out those things when actuality love demonic, you know?

Benyi: 15:12

But y'all go on. Go ahead, expand on that. I don't, because like, you know, okay, so here's my theory. When people find those. Those diagnosis or use this astrology and they, I'm a Scorpio, this is what I do and stuff. It takes the power away from them to, to take the responsibility away for them for their actions. So they think like they don't have to change because the issue I find myself with changing. If you think that. If you believe that you can change, then it means that if you are not changing the, the fault is on you as a human being, but if you decide to blame your condition, your HDAD or like your bipolar, or whatever your anxiety is, and you're not able to change, you cannot blame that, right? What do you think?

Stiz: 16:13

Um, I did talk about this and listen, I'm not a psychologist, right? I, this is not what I study, but I do know that your brain does rewire after trauma.

Robot: 16:25

Mm-hmm.

Stiz: 16:26

So is the person really experiencing bipolarism or, or a DHD, or were they traumatized at some point in their life that now they have these like ticks or these manic episodes? Nobody understands them. You know, I do feel like it's coming from something that's unresolved. Mm-hmm. However, do I know if maybe there's a brain chemical imbalance or something like that, but at the same time, trauma can do that to your brain. Yeah. You know, so I, I really don't know. But what I do know as a Christian is. There are verses in the book where they say, you know, bring your anxieties to God. And I think that's where all these things come from. It's like these manic episodes, these OCDs, it's like these traumas, these anxieties, depression. But I don't think it's their fault. I feel like it's something they have to resolve, you know? And um, and I think people can change for sure.

Benyi: 17:27

Okay. That's, that's great. All right. Um, so yeah, let's move on. Um, so today, what's your relationship like with alcohol and drugs? You still drink drugs?

Stiz: 17:38

No. Drinking? Yes. I have a, a red wine nowadays, so I do, I do, um, I do, now that I'm a Christian, I do refer to the Bible with a lot of things that I do. So when Jesus turned water into wine, you know, at that party. So I think that wine is okay. It's not as hard as liquor and I feel like they're, there's, you know, liquor spirits and I think all these names, like they're there for reasons. Somebody called it a spirit. You know what I mean? And that's why I think it makes turns people's characters into not what they are. And I do believe, like. In this dimension, there are things that, um, influence people. Right? And so does a say in the Bible to get drunk? No. But you know, having a wine is okay. You know, you're doing a recreationally at a party or whatever. So I, I do refer to the Bible for things like that.

Benyi: 18:42

So wine, you still, you still good on that? And drugs don't need to say, I mean, you fit as well, so I'm sure like you don't smoke, you don't, I mean, you never know. I gotta ask, I gotta ask. Correct. Yeah,

Stiz: 18:54

no, it's true. Um, no, I don't do drugs. Um, I don't do well with it anymore. I used to do, and I never even told anybody, like on my social media what I used to do. So I used to have a bad problem with Molly and cocaine and so I. Yeah.

Benyi: 19:13

Cocaine wasn't my drug of choice. If you of no choice, you know? But keep going. I didn't mean to stop you. Sorry.

Stiz: 19:20

No, no, no. That's okay. I'm getting to know you too, because I didn't even know that you had like, you know, a situation back in the day. I wouldn't have guessed. You know, so it's cool. It's coming full circle, you know? And so with the cocaine, yeah, it was, it was a good time. Like I feel like. Sometimes I do miss it. You know, I'm not gonna lie. Mm-hmm. But I think it stems from, you know, not being heard because you and I both know that cocaine makes you talk. And I, and even before coming onto this podcast, right. I was just talking to myself and I'm like, you deserve to be heard. I don't, you know, because sometimes I'll think I sound stupid and I'll kind of retract and I think the Coke helps me get outta my shell, you know? Because you could talk for hours on that thing. Yeah.

Benyi: 20:09

You can solve, you can solve world hunger on cocaine. Like you have the plan, you have the back. Yeah. You know, if we do this, this and that, I'll be perfect. Yeah. I've been there,

Stiz: 20:18

yo literally, literally. And then the next morning I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about? But anyway, so with, um, that I really had to like. Self-reflect and, and ask myself, why am I doing these things? You know? And I realize it's because I never was heard mm-hmm. From my exes, from that babysitter. Like nobody was really hearing me, you know? And so, um, it just gave me a platform to be heard and not to feel like I care about what's coming outta my mouth. Like it's unfiltered. And so, and the. Naturally, I'm just like a depressed person, you know? And so it, and I always told people, I was like, I wish there was like a prescription, you know, because it just made me feel like myself. I felt like I wasn't myself on the day to day. And that is where that addiction comes from, because it feels so good. You feel like yourself, you're friendly, you're chatty, people like you, when in actuality it's like, first of all, nobody, not everybody's gonna like you, like get over that. You know what I mean? Just, but be yourself and don't be afraid to speak your opinion, because whoever needs to hear it is going to hear it and whoever doesn't, who gives a fuck, you know,

Benyi: 21:39

period. But like coming co coming from, um, for, from a codependency relation and the way you said it that you felt, well, never here. What were your coping? Me? I mean, religion is, is, is great. You mentioned it earlier, but what are your coping mechanism when you find yourself or in a situation that used to make you want drink a lot or to do drugs? Let's say, um, I'm gonna give you a concrete example. Let's say like you're dating somebody. New relationship was great, but is going off the rails a little bit. And you found that you, you start having those same feeling that you had before, um, requiring like substances to feel better. Like how, how do you cope now?

Stiz: 22:32

Now, so now definitely the, the gym. Nobody is that important to me than working on myself. Yeah. And that means going to the gym. I literally on the brink of my last breakup, that made me like changed my whole ways of like stopping every drug. We were, we were at it at a fight and I was like, I'm gonna the gym, bye. And he was like, you really gonna the gym right now? I was like, yeah. Because it's like the gym will always be there, you know? And it's just literally just one hour and you're gonna leave and you're gonna feel so much better. You're gonna be like, what the fuck was I even thinking about? You know? And you're gonna come out more focused and yeah, just working out. And instead of spending my money on partying and stuff like that, I learn about the body. I learn, you know, I go to fitness events, I meet more people. That makes me more inclined to stay in this career, in this industry and my health, you know? So just surrounding myself with these good events instead of partying. Yeah, because like, you know, like my mama said. No good comes after midnight. So

Benyi: 23:49

your mama is right about that. Uh, I mean, especially in New York. Uh, but, uh, yeah, you said, so basically, if I understand it right, you just, uh, make sure that your environment is, is safe, right? A good environment. Um. But you know,

Stiz: 24:11

you

Benyi: 24:12

go ahead because

Stiz: 24:12

you hear, because you hear of all these stories and I'm talking to women, right? Mm-hmm. That this the wrong man will definitely bring you down. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And it's because, and even vice versa to a man, you know, but my client seller is mostly women because like the wrong person can make you outta your character and make you fall back into that, those old habits that old you. Um, and you don't have to, you can't blame all of that. But that is definitely a trigger and it's definitely an influence, you know? Uh, so find, yeah. Like what you said, find better environments. Yeah. And keep at it.

Benyi: 24:50

No. Yeah, because what I was exactly about you to ask, like how, how difficult for you was it to dump those people? Or like, like you said, you say like dumb weight, the dead weight you used, you use the term dead weight. Hell you, yeah. Um, me personally, I had that term called because I'm religious too and you know, um. They're like the people who offended me when I was using the people that offend, I offended myself, like, and um, I came to the realization that, you know, I should forgive them. You know, forgive those who hurt me and wish them the best, even pray for them even if I don't want them in my life. And I'm sure like some people are doing the same for me to when I hurt them. Um, but you have those who you care about, like me personally. You know, people I went to rehab with that I think are cool, are great, but are not able to stay sober. And I had a friend who had that term, uh, you can still love them, but love them from a distance. I want to know if that applies to you. Like do you have like anyone or do you have like people from your old, uh, circle, friend circle who you still care about deeply, but you, you cut ties with?

Stiz: 26:12

Oh, that I cut ties with. Hell yeah. I'm a scissor in my back pocket. I cut ties with everybody. No, I really do though. Yeah. But, but my, my outlook on things is yes, you, it's, I think it's crucial to cut off certain people, um, especially with drugs. Like, you know, I could be back then, I could be so desperate and like the only thing on my mind is drugs are drugs that I could like fuck anyone over. Right. And I think it's like people like that, that you have to cut off. But yes, love from afar because I think anybody can change. However, I do believe not everybody's gonna be on the same path as you. You know? I have friends now that are my best friends that are not into fitness at all. Am I gonna cut them off? No, but you know. Life is full of people that are not on the same page as you. So if you try to force somebody to be on the same page as you, it's like it's not gonna work. You just have to learn how to maneuver around and just coexist with people that don't have the same mindset as you.

Benyi: 27:16

I see. No, that's, that's a right answer. That's a right answer. Alright, um, let's move on. How you found purpose into coaching other people. What, what led you to doing that? So you, you said yourself, like you used the gym to cope and even, you know, during your last break, uh, breakup you, you, you told your guy like, Hey, I'm going to the gym. Because the gym for you is a sanctuary as I can see. But what push you to become a personal coach and to help other women?

Stiz: 27:51

Well, um. Number one, it helps keep me accountable, you know, um, interesting just diving myself and immersing myself in that lifestyle, you know? And I wanna help women, you know, teach them how to become a better version of themselves, how to have a routine, how to just. Get into the healthy lifestyle instead of like what I did before, which is the drinking and co, depending on a guy. Like, you know what I mean? And I think a lot of my clienteles like that, where they came from a bad breakup or they're down and out about their job and, and just creating a routine for them and knowing that they can be better, that is definitely a factor of why I do what I do. But also, um, yeah, it's just growing up, somebody just told me that I was never gonna be smart enough to hold a job, so that definitely went into my mind and I just, for the longest thought I was like, stupid. Um, until I got, you know,'cause I was always in hospitality. I worked at a strip club, I worked at, you know, like a pool hall. It was never really using my brain, right. It's always using my personality or whatever. Um, until I was like, I can't be doing this for my whole life, you know, and a lot of traumatic shit happened at that strip club by the way. And so I was like, I need to get outta here. And so I got a dust job and when I came into it. I was just like, how can I be the best fucking worker in this place? You know, where they're never gonna fire me and they love me. And, um, coming at it, that's where I was like, I just wanted to be better every day. Um, but then I was like. I, I want to work for myself. You know? Like, yeah, okay, I'm great at what I'm doing, but it's like, what are really my skills? I'm just a freaking assistant, like, you know, I'm just pushing papers. I'm helping this person run his business. Meanwhile, it's like he's an immigrant and he has this million dollar business. It's like, what is he doing that I cannot do? Like I think I'm smart, you know, despite what other people freaking think. But I come, I've come this far, you know? And so that's when I was just like, you know what? I, I'm not good at anything else. Fine, fine. I'm stupid. But you know what, let me,

Benyi: 30:27

I'm listening. I'm listening. Sorry, I didn't mean to, but that's,

Stiz: 30:32

but that was like my mindset. It's like, okay, fine. You think I'm stupid, that I'm gonna be, I'm gonna have my, whatever I'm good at, which was athletics, I was always good at like. Sports and learning about the body, I'm always interested in that, but I'm gonna take that and make that my business. And so that's what I did.

Benyi: 30:48

Oh, okay. I was saying, hmm. Because that's, I dunno if you realize, but you, I think you stumbled upon so many principles of, uh, the 12 step program that I'm part of. I'm part of Alcoholic Anonymous. Um, because you have the idea of service wanting to help other. But you just talk about this idea of acceptance. You are like hell bent on trying to prove others that you are not stupid, which are you're not. But once you accepted the fact that, hey man, you know what? I might be stupid, but I'm good at this. Then all of a sudden you are free. Right now you are free of like, of wanting to, uh, you are free of seeking, uh, external validation, right? Which is like, ooh. So, you know, like, I think, like I said, external validation. It's good when you get it, but you don't need it. Right. The problem is when you start needing it that it becomes, you know, trouble. But, um, yeah, like it, it's crazy. I don't know how you did it. Maybe because it's your, of your spirituality. Oh, your connection to God, but you, you preaching right now. So just to let Okay. Just to lemme know. Um, so yeah, uh, with the gym culture, uh, when you go to, because you're helping women right now and, um. So how does that work? You have like one-on-one clients usually, like, uh, you, they, you have a program for them. Like how can you expand on that, how you help them?

Stiz: 32:42

Sure. So I do in-person training as well as online, but I'm trying to transition to solely online. Mm-hmm. Um, but uh, my demographic is usually women who want to build muscle, build a booty. Gain more confidence. Um,'cause I think that it, it translates to career. You know, I think that once you create a routine for yourself, you become more fit. Your posture becomes more like better. You become more confident in the meet the meetings. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I think it translates to everything. Um, and I do have a program because I feel like. Everybody needs time to, number one, build muscle, but also to have these habits. Because talking to me, you know, me turning my life around was not in one or two months, it's, it was years in the making, you know, and I think that people need to. Realize that about fitness too, that you're not just changing your body composition, you're changing your whole lifestyle. Your whole mindset of like, Hey, I'm not gonna resort to eating because of my emotions. You know, because that's the same shit as drugs. It's, it's still, you're, you're not healing inside, you know? But it's more so like, I'm gonna make better decisions because I love myself and I don't need these, the dead weight. You know, I'm gonna become better. So. That's the girlies that I train.

Benyi: 34:10

Um, yeah, I can see, um, I can see what you're talking about and how it's true. Uh, but at the same time, I don't know if you notice there's that, um, wave of people, especially on social media who pretend to have the solution or what's work. What gonna work for you. You have the people who swear by kiddo. You have like the carnivore diets. You have the people who are like low carb, do this, do that. And I think in this noise of social media where everybody need to take like a, a fucking, like, sorry, uh, take a fucking side. Uh, you have a lot of CERs. You know, like a lot of people who only swear by this because they're trying to sell your product. So how you make your voice heard in, in that whole noise, like how you differentiate yourself? Yeah.

Stiz: 35:05

So I, I don't define myself, but what I've heard from other people is that they picked me as their coach because of how transparent I was.

Benyi: 35:16

Yeah. And

Stiz: 35:16

how, and how I'm more like realistic of like, this is your lifestyle. I'm adapting to your lifestyle. I'm not gonna force you to be keto or carnivore. You know what I mean? Like this is about you reaching your fullest potential in your own timeframe and in your own way, you know? So that's why I'm very flexible with my plans because I know like people are not gonna follow a meal plan that they've never even. They've never even been cooked at home. They always go to Chipotle. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, I'm not gonna force them. I'm not gonna force them to cook every meal. Like it's all about having that conversation, actually wanting to help that person, whatever, however the case may be, and putting my ego away because I know what works for me. I know what works for the majority of women, but there are outliers that don't work that way, that cannot work five times a week. You know, working out at the gym. That do not cook at all, you know, so it's definitely, um, there's no black and white in life. There's no black and white, just like how we talked about, you know, not everybody's gonna like you. Yeah. It's just how do you navigate through that? You know? How do you navigate through somebody's fitness journey? And that's where I come in.

Benyi: 36:31

Yeah. I see. Uh, that's great. Um, still on the gym culture, um, I think you're gonna relate to this. Especially that like, you know, you, you, you religious and so I feel like every single community has a ritual and a temple. Like for example, uh, religious community like Christianity, the have church, the ritual right is to pray together, right? And something similar with the gym community. The gym culture is. Our ritual is to work out and the place to work, uh, is, is the gym, right? But I'm under the influence and, you know, you can give me your opinion about it. That the gym culture has shifted now that the priority of people now. At the gym. Gym is the extracurricular stuff than working out. Like it's, you know, creating content. It's, you know, hanging out, trying to find this future ex-husband or future ex-wife. Like, you know, like it's, it's, it, it, it bothers me a little bit, right? Because when you want to make a connection with somebody, especially, you know, in that committee and you see what their intentions are. I like to put a certain buffer between that person and me. Like, you know, like, I'm like, okay, like I see who they are, what they, what they're showing me is not appealing to me. Right. Where am I to judge? I judge a little bit because that's how. I set my boundaries, right? Like I need to give my, I need to have an opinion about a certain person to set healthy boundaries. I might be wrong, I might be right. Mm-hmm. But that's how I'm, I, you know, I put, I'm not, like you said, we're not gonna be fine with everybody, not everybody like us. But if I go to the gym and I see that somebody priority is not working out, it's not somebody that I want to know, you see? And, uh, yeah. How, how you navigate your, that space. What's your take on it, by the way? Yeah, just

Stiz: 38:39

my take on it is, listen, I'm guilty of creating contact the gym, but I think that if you, you see me long enough, you know that I work out really hard. Yeah. You know? Of

Benyi: 38:48

course. No. Yeah. You do. Fine. No, like, see you. Yeah. No, you, I've seen you work out. I've seen you create content and your content has a purpose. Content. Content to help others. Right. Your intentions are well known, and I think your intentions are pure. Right? You're not selling as like, it's not what, like more like I

Stiz: 39:10

I sell as program.

Benyi: 39:12

Yeah, exactly. You sell as program for people, but not, it's not, it's not soft. It's not soft or porn like, you know, like.

Stiz: 39:20

Okay. I'm, I'm with,

Benyi: 39:22

yeah, go ahead. Yeah,

Stiz: 39:22

I'm with, I'm with you on that because it's, I had to make my own boundaries of how do I sell glute programs and I don't want to, you know, be one of those types of influencers. I wanna actually create and produce educational, you know, uh, videos, tutorials, and programs. And that's where I think the mindset shifts helps. Because it's not just glute building, it's, you know, building, um, habits and stuff like that. Um, do I, uh, yeah, that stuff bothers me at the gym, you know? Um, but at the same time it's like, I get it. It's, you know, now the age of technology is like, that's another form of a career is like being a fitness influencer, but I don't agree. With fitness influencers turn into coaches without having a certification that I don't like because I think that's full of shit. And first of all, you need to know what you're doing. It's like any business. Are you gonna be an accountant and you just play an accountant on Instagram? Or are you gonna really get the certifications and licenses? You know, like, yeah, that, that bothers me.

Benyi: 40:33

No, that's a total take. And people follow those because they look good, like, you know, uh. Like me, I wouldn't have the pretension of being a fitness coach just because I know how to box and you know, I can work on my own body, but I'll not be like, oh, let me coach you. Like, I'll be like, I know how to throw a punch, few punches, I can teach you that, but I'm not gonna teach you a bad diet. I'm not gonna teach you about like lifting weight because I don't like, I don't have an expertise on that. I just know. I just know what works for me. And it's sad to see, uh, the pretension that everybody, I I is a coach now online, you know, like, like it's hard to publish, but yeah. You know, like, it, it, it kind of, it is what it is, but no.

Stiz: 41:24

Yeah, I think that, um, it definitely, how do you say it dilutes like. The knowledge and like the credibility of so many great trainers out there. You know, just because of people who have good editing skills and marketing and stuff like that. But I think at the end, people are gonna see through the bullshit, and I think that the true people who actually know what they're doing and actually take this seriously. Um, are going, the, the rest are gonna fizzle out. And the real people are, are just, you know, the truth always, how do you say, outshine in the light. So

Benyi: 42:03

Yeah, truth always comes out. Yeah, that's true for

Stiz: 42:06

sure.

Benyi: 42:07

And also another, um, benefit of that is. The potential clients that were able to see to the BS and then came to you should be probably easier, more realistic clients, right. To deal with. Right, because they know they have a better idea of what the work Intels, right?

Stiz: 42:34

Yeah. I've had people who. Listen, you go to the gym, you see even certified trainers that are like, what are they doing? You know what I mean? Like yeah. So I feel like these people who are unhappy, yeah, sure. They try that, but now it's like, okay, you're coming to the real deal, like I'm gonna help you.

Benyi: 42:53

Yeah, definitely. Um, what else we, oh yeah. I wanted to talk a little bit about, um, what's your take on Ozempic? I know it's, it's farther, but since you're in the fitness world, then you help people. So what do you think of the GLP ones? So Ozempic and all their derivatives.

Stiz: 43:14

Well, there are some people who need it, you know? Uh, but as far as people who use it solely to lose weight, um, I'm not here to judge, you know,'cause like I do train clients that have used it or are using it. Mm-hmm. Um, but I think that instilling a healthy relationship with food. The lifestyle is so important because you're not gonna be on it forever. You know what I mean? And you are going through muscle atrophy, like you are deflating, and the older that you get, you need to build your muscle, you know, like. Elders, senior citizens, once they fall, they break a hip. That's it. That's like they go to a hospital and they might die, and you don't wanna get to that point where your bones are so weak and you have no muscle. And that's what happens with those. So now is crucial. That you get a weight training coach and go to the gym and be active, do boxing, do something, even boxing the, the pressure on your bones is good for you. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like, it's now, it's like, okay, you took it, you see your results now get your ass in the gym.

Benyi: 44:23

Yeah, exactly. Um. Yeah, that's, that's what, that's what I said. Yeah. I mean, personally, I've, I, like I said, Al always, and I probably repeat myself, it has to do with intentions. What are the intentions of the people who are using those, you know, those, um, drugs like ozempic, you know, is it with the idea of kickstarting good habits or using shortcuts? Right? But, uh, yeah, it's, you know what? I think it's difficult. It's people who are on that way to, to dis people intention actually. Right? You see a certain behavior, you wonder what their intentions are. Sometime you might be right, sometime you might be wrong, but that person can always lie and be like, okay. For example, um, with recording at the gym, right? You have people who are like, what do you record for to see your form? To put on social media to have the external validation. Right. The person can tell you like, I'm just recording my phone, but do you believe them? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just like there's sometime, because the behavior sometimes doesn't match what they're saying. Right. How do you deal with, uh, do you have like sometime clients who, who say they want to get better, right. But then when you watch their behavior, they do not, they're not doing the work. They don't have. I tell me. Right? Of

Stiz: 45:56

course. Yeah, of course. You know, you have the people that they hit you up before the consultation, like every week. They're like, come on, let's do it. Let's, let's do it. And then when it comes to do it, it's like, okay, are you sending me your macros? Are you, are you working out? And they're not, you know? Yeah. So, but what. That's part of the job. I mean, the job is trying to get them back on track, you know, but at the same time, it's like you can't save people. They have to wanna save themselves at a certain percentage, you know?

Benyi: 46:26

Yeah, true. Like, yeah, that's, that's something that me personally, I need to learn, like the idea of like, you know, the concept that like I cannot save them. That they need to save themself. It is not because you are helping them, you're showing them the path that like, they're going to be safe, right? They need to do the work themselves. Um, what else here I had to talk about? Um,

Stiz: 46:49

that was a good question about those though.

Benyi: 46:52

Yeah, like if you want to get canceled,

Robot: 46:56

cancel me.

Benyi: 46:59

They cannot cancel you. Um.

Robot: 47:02

Yeah. Ownership is freedom.

Benyi: 47:04

Yep, exactly. Alright, um, what did I have here? Sorry, a little bit. Um, oh, here we go. Yeah, we didn't, so, um, we talk about your purpose in coaching and I circle here that like you being vulnerable, like, because, you know, like that's how I found out that you were, that you had like some, uh, struggle in the past. Substance abuse. Um, do you think people romanticize their struggle too much lately? Like everybody wants to have like struggles and stuff, like, you know, like, okay, maybe I'm bugging, but like, you're

Stiz: 47:47

about to be canceled. Oh, watch,

Benyi: 47:52

watch your words. Yeah. Like, you know, no, there is, there is a kind of. I feel like I've handled victim

Stiz: 47:59

mentality.

Benyi: 48:00

Yeah.

Stiz: 48:01

Like victimhood. What, what are your thoughts on it? Yeah. What do you mean?

Benyi: 48:05

Yeah. Victim mentality sometimes that like, you know, like, uh, a trauma racing, like trauma competition. Like my trauma is worse. Yeah. Trauma. I did not have that feeling from you. What I had was a genuine like, hey, I was, I used not always used to be like this, boom, like, you know, this is my mugshot, this is my thing. There you. Vulnerable. But um, yeah.

Stiz: 48:29

Oh yeah. I think some people really do. They make it their personality, you know? Yeah. And I think it's because then you don't have to take accountability. It's like what you were saying before, it's like they place blame on that instead of looking in the mirror and being like, actually, yeah, I'm eating like shit, or I am drinking too much. You know what I mean? So I definitely think that. Um, there was like this, uh, Jubilee. I dunno if you, you follow YouTube and stuff that YouTube. Yeah, yeah,

Robot: 49:01

yeah. Uh,

Stiz: 49:04

there was this, this one with like, it was like 20 people versus a millionaire, which was that PD guy. I dunno. But anyway, yeah. So he wants to help people and there was this girl with, you know, a self-diagnosed whatever, or from the doctor that she has mental illness. So he was saying about like taking accountability. He's like, if I give you a second opinion with one of my doctors, you know, to help you with your mental illness, would you take it? And the girl was like, no. In my head, I was like, why wouldn't you? He's giving you a free doctor. Yeah. To give you a second opinion. To help you. But I think she's so stuck in wanting her mental illness to be her personality. Mm-hmm. That she's gonna blame everything on that, you know? And there are people like that, so

Benyi: 49:51

Yeah, that's true. Um, but then

Stiz: 49:53

they're gonna be stuck forever, so

Benyi: 49:55

Geez

Stiz: 49:56

damn.

Benyi: 50:01

All right, let's finish with this. Um, yeah, we were about to hit the hour mark. Um, if you were to find, you know, it could be someone else or if you were your younger self in the situation you used to be in, and now that you are you, right. What would you tell your younger self or the person who are struggling, what would you tell that person with the knowledge that you have now?

Stiz: 50:31

So hard. That's a hard question because it's like, even though I struggled with the drugs and the bad exes and stuff like that, it made me who I'm today, you know, it made me wiser. Mm-hmm. It made me more street smarter. It made me like more aware of situations of like kidnapping. That's another story also, but like you. I'm all fucked up. But anyway, so it made me more smarter and if I wasn't, I would be so naive, you know what I mean? And I would be just innocent, bright-eyed, thinking that the world is rainbows and daisies when it's not. And, but what I would do is I would honestly just like hug my younger self and be like, just keep going. Just keep going. You know, you're freaking strong and you are smart. You know, and just keep going. Like, because I, I do have, and I, I still do like suicidal tendencies, you know, from all, just like the stress, the depression, shit that has happened to me in the past. But I do believe there's, it builds so much character just to see what's going on years from now, you know, and just, you're so much stronger than that. Mm-hmm. That just keep going.

Benyi: 51:49

Yeah. Wow. That's, that's, that's great. Like, I wouldn't have thought of that, but, um, yeah. So this is the end of the interview. This is the moment where you plug your, um, where we can find you, uh, what's coming up next, what you have in the pipeline. Your, the floor is yours.

Stiz: 52:08

Uh, so you can find me on Instagram or TikTok. Just search up my name. It's Santo, STIZ, Santo. Um, and you can find so much educational, valuable posts out there, not just, you know, booty, but, um, it's almost. The new year guys, 90 days-ish till the new year. You have three freaking months to get on track.'cause you know the holidays is coming. It's Halloween candy, it's Thanksgiving feast, Christmas parties, y'all gonna eat. And then New Year's of champagne, like do you wanna feel good in your dress or you wanna wear Spanx? You wanna wear that skims and you wanna keep readjusting of feeling bloated, like get it together, train with me her.

Benyi: 52:55

All right. What a perfect way of guys, of closing, and uh, I will see you in a few weeks. Thank you guys. Okay, bye. Thank you. Bye