Benyi: 0:00

hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of Stairway to Redemption. Today I have a recurrent guest who hasn't been here, uh, for, who hasn't been a guest for a while. Rich, uh, rich just celebrated, recently celebrated it actually yesterday celebrated his third year anniversary of being sober. And like we did the last two times, he's gonna be on the PO to tell us, you know, to share with us his story, part of it, and what does it feel like to be sober for third year in a row, and what's the difference, you know, what did he learn this year? But, uh, without further ado, I give you guys Rich. Rich. How are you doing? Good. Good. Um,

Rich: 0:44

so no, it, it. Three years. Yeah. It was actually July 25th was three years. Yep. So it's actually a little bit over three years Uhhuh, because I, this, this woman in the group, um, I'm not gonna mention her name, just for whatever reason mm-hmm. Anonymity reasons and, uh, don't wanna surprise her or anything. But she, she had been fighting for, for years, for 20 years to get to put one year together and she, she had trouble and then she finally got it and it was, we were gonna, she was gonna, she celebrated July 27th. That's when I was gonna do it for my three year. But instead I said, why don't you have it well to yourself?'cause it's your first year and you've been looking forward to this for a while. So that's a little bit of the backstory. Mm-hmm. Why we did, why we celebrated. Yeah. Like

Benyi: 1:38

August. Yeah. August 17. Yeah.

Rich: 1:40

So, I mean, it, it still is something, you know, amazing. And, um, I'm just, uh, yeah, blessed that, that, you know, the, the, the three years it seems, I don't know, it just seems like such a long time ago that I was in rehab and I met you and, and we did all of that, you know, did, uh, you know, met in rehab and, and, uh, out at Seafield. Yeah. And, uh, it, it's been, I mean, every year I've been doing what I've been doing to, to keep the focused, not that I'm not focused, but just to do it for, I don't, I don't know, maybe it's like I, I just like doing it every year. Mm-hmm. But I do the 12 steps, like once a year and I have to do it again for the, you know, the, at the, like after the anniversary. I usually do it just to keep me, I don't know, grounded and, um, you know, to keep me humble. And to, to go and review things. So then I don't get, um, what do you call it? So I don't nt complete? Yeah, yeah. And say, oh, I got this, or whatever. Even though, you know, I was given a, uh, a little, uh, wristband that says, you got this said, yeah, it says you got this. And I remember the first, who was it? Uh, Evelyn out at, out, out at Seafield said, never say that. Oh, yeah. Your counselor. Yeah. But that, but I mean, that, I, I got to her point was like, you don't wanna say you got this and be cocky and, and, and, you know, but you know, you can't say the word. Yeah. It's not like I'm all of a sudden I'm wearing this bracelet that says, you got this. I've gotta be Jin. Hopefully not, but, you know, I get it. But, but you know, I gotta keep certain things in line because otherwise the devil's gonna get in. Mm-hmm. So in my eyes. And, and it's basically, you know, I have to have, you know, uh, uh, three ways to me the devil gets in is lack of forgiveness or, you know, keeping a resentment, lack of forgiveness. Two is, um, lack of mindfulness and what is your intention on the things that you do. Mm-hmm. And then I think lack of prayer or a spiritual condition, you know, mine is like a prayer. It would, but other people, you know, spiritual condition. Mm-hmm. Because I think that that is really important, the spiritual condition.'cause a lot of people mm-hmm. They fall apart if they don't have it. Or they, or something takes over and

Benyi: 4:25

they, and they go out. Speak. Speaking of mind and spirituality, uh, let's start with what we usually start with. Like, what's your state of mind address? You know, like what your state of mind lately, I mean Yeah. You just, you know, give it some reason. Why you celebrated another date, but how do you feel like lately, like I feel

Rich: 4:46

really good. Mm-hmm. Really great. Ecstatic supercalifragilistic, but that's too long a word to say at, at like a meeting? Yeah. It probably hit me. They'd be like, Mary Poppins or what, you know? Mm-hmm. I'm joking, but, um, you know, it, it's, and, and it wasn't always that way. I mean, it was, and the thing is, is that if I go into meetings talking to you mm-hmm. Talking to other people who are in the sobriety world or my, my, my sobriety sober support group, you know, and you're one of, or you're the main one. Um, there are, there are other people that, you know, this guy, Brendan, um, uh, shouldn't say name, but anyhow, I'm not saying last names, but mm-hmm. He, he sends me a text every morning at, and it's like, amazing. Yeah. And you. I'm always seeing or talking to, and this guy Jimmy and some other people. Mm-hmm. And it, and it really, you know, it keeps things going. And then I'm also very, you know, devout Catholic, so I do a lot of, you know, thena and praying and whatever, and that keeps me kind of involved. But the biggest thing, and I didn't realize it until last night because I went and I talked at NUMC, Nassau University Medical Center at the rehab clinic. And, and that really brought me back to, um, not that I did a rehab session there, I only did it. I, you know, yeah. I only did rehab out at Seafield, but in 2021,'cause 2020, I don't know if we ever got into it, but it, it was 2020 and, um, I was like. Thought I was drinking too much and I was trying to discern alcohol, you know, my alcoholism and so on the book, because like I said, I'm very religiou, you know, devout Catholic Blessed mother, her birthday's September 8th, so September 8th, 2020 I decided to go and not drink until December eight, the Immaculate Conception. And so I did that 90 days and there wasn't a problem. And then I'm like, well, I'm going just keep it to Christmas and drink. Not a problem. Then I was like, well, you know what, I'll do it to New Year's Eve. I'll just keep it a couple more days till mid year's eve. But I'm gonna get really tanked on Chris, uh, on New Year's Eve. Uh, I could say a worst word, but I'll just keep it nice. Um, you know, so, so the kids can hear. No, I'm kidding. Hopefully, you know,

Benyi: 7:24

I see the kids program, kids friendly program,

Rich: 7:27

but Yeah, go ahead. But, you know, I, well, I was really like, I'm gonna get fucked up. Mm-hmm. And I did, because I, we were having the seven, um, course of the seven fishes at, at, at, at, you know, my mom and dad. And, but before we were having dinner, you know, on New Year's Eve, I was like, I'm gonna go lie down for a little bit and then, you know, come down, I'm gonna eat. And I didn't realize how messed up I got, but I got really bad. And my father, they tried to, they couldn't wig me up. They couldn't, they were yelling and. I think personally, they could have just left me there and let me just sleep it off and I'd wake up and be like, but in all actuality, I mean, they called the cops, uh, not the cops. They called 9 1 1 the emergency. Mm-hmm. EMS came up, um, and I was out of it, you know, and, and, and, and you know, the, you know, and they were busy that night and everybody that no matter you, you could tell'em, I wanna go to this hospital that would say a block away. They were taking everybody to Nassau University Medical Center. It took me there that night. And, um, I thought it was, you know, I, in retrospect that it was a blessing in disguise that my parents called that in to do that because it kind of got the ball rolling, even though it really didn't. But, uh, you'll hear, I'm gonna try to do this quickly, but I went there and I was a belligerent son of a bitch. And I was challenging the cops there. I said, you're wearing a badge and a gun, take it off. Let's have a fight. I don't, I don't deserve to be here. And I really said, I said it probably like a little bit worse, but I said, you know,'cause they were like, you know, blah, blah, blah. And, and I was like, you're just being tough because you have a badge and a gun. Yeah. I'm like, take that off and let's go. And, and you know, that was the, the, the ego and whatever in me and belligerent, I ripped all the, all the, all the tubes out that the nurses put in. I told some of the doctors to go f themselves that they didn't know what they were doing. Yeah. And that I should not have been there. And it was an overreaction on, on the emss part, this and that and that my, yeah. My parents called, but it was an overreaction to rush me to the hospital and they were gonna actually kick me outta the hospital and send me home drunk as a skunk.

Benyi: 9:51

Mm-hmm.

Rich: 9:52

As I was. But the, the doctor or whoever was in charge called my mom. She called my brother-in-law. He came there and he was like, what's going on? Calm me down. And I stayed there for three days and it was just basically like a respite, um, you know, just like a little country club, uh, you know, rest and relaxation for three or four days because all my numbers were crazy and this and that. But the thing that I, and I was telling this that I came rolling back because when I was speaking at NU Mc last night, and, uh, it came rolling back because then I was like, that was 20 to 21. What happened for a year and a half? Yeah. So, you know what I mean? Like, most people that would go to emergency room, same room, like, and be admitted for four days, uhhuh, or three days, whatever. Well, it was either three or four days would say, Hey, Houston, we got a problem here. Yeah. And, and the thing was that. Keep going that we didn't, you know, I didn't realize, and I said, I remember specifically saying to my brother-in-law when he was picking me up and driving me back, I was like, uh, I don't have a problem. I'm good. I don't have a problem. And, um, you know, it's actually a problem. No, no, that's fine. Okay.

Benyi: 11:12

Yeah.

Rich: 11:12

Uh, that I have a problem. And so, you know, we went back, he, he picked me up from the hospital, dropped me off at a, and I walked up to the liquor store right when he pulled out of the driveway. That was January 5th or fourth or third of, of, of 2021. Mm-hmm.

Benyi: 11:30

I didn't

Rich: 11:30

go into rehab until July 25th, 2022. Yeah. So where the hell did that year and a half go? Mm-hmm. And I was discerning. Yeah. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not an alcoholic. I was hiding alcohol, not hiding it, but I was putting it in. A locked cabinet, I would drink as much and then I would lock it up, and then I would be like, like I would say I'm done for the night, but lock it up. And then I would be like, you know what, I need one more. I had one more and one more. And then the bottle was down to nothing. And I'm like, can't leave that much alcohol. Left. Yeah. So I finished the whole bottle off and, and, you know, so that went on. And then it was like, uh, I, I was still, you know, doing things, working, going to church every day, praying, God help me, God help me, God help me. And, and it happened. But like that, still nothing happened. And then it, and then it was July 4th. I was, I, I was, we were having a barbecue and I was barbecuing, steaks, ribs, uh, chicken. Hamburgers, whatever. And then I let myself on fire. Not with aa. I literally fell into the fire. Yeah. And, and let myself on fire. And this is what's crazy. Mm-hmm. That was the second. And my mom put me out with a fire extinguisher. We all know this, this story, but I was thinking about all this and it's like, that didn't even make me sober up. Yeah. Like you would figure going to the emergency room, spending four days, you got a problem, lighten yourself on fire, you got a problem. And it still didn't register, you know? And I was like, I remember saying to my brother-in-law again,'cause he had to lift me off the floor'cause there's no way my mom was like a twig who could lift me off the floor. Uh, after I lit myself on fire, she put me out with the fire extinguish. And I said to him, I'm tripping on, I tripped on a, uh, pebble. Mm-hmm. That's funny. You know, and, and so like, and that did nothing. Mm-hmm. But then I said, like, for whatever, something came over me. I said to my parents, pick out three rehabs. I was going away with my sister to help her with the kids because my brother-in-law had to work and they had a baseball tournament in Maryland. So, and then I said, when I come back, I was gonna go to a rehab. So out of all the ones they, you know, one of them was too much. It was out in California, and that was like, I'm not going to California. And one was like in Jersey, which looked like The Shining Yeah. Because it was like really dark. It was like scary looking from the outside. Yeah. So then Seafield, I'm like, okay. Out in the Hamptons bikinis and, and when women and, and one, no, there

Benyi: 14:07

were no bikinis. The s like, not, not where we were. I went up there

Rich: 14:11

and, and you know, but the thing is, and then I realized and I listened to one day at a time and listen to everything. And really got, took it all in and became mayor there. And, and you know, I'm gonna go through a little bit faster, but like, because this really hit me. Mm-hmm. Like three years, like was Wow. And, and the thing was, I didn't, you know, like thinking back, I, I'm like, what the heck was I on? Mm-hmm. Like just being stupid because like, I should have, like the minute I went into the emergency room for that stuff, I should have never been drinking again. I should have been like, you know what, maybe it's time to, to get you. And it took me to light myself on fire, you know? And, and, and, but also I think I was like, but the Holy Spirit came over me. You know, it was a combination of that and praying and this and that, but like, it's just amazing when you think back on your life and you like, wow, I really did not get to death. Yeah. Like I didn't get it when I went into emergency. I didn't get it when I let myself on fire. Uh, you know, like, what is going on, dude?

Benyi: 15:18

No. How ic it is that, like you went back to, um, to the place where, uh, you were belly jar and ripped the tubes out and had a fist, you know, uh, almost a fist fight with, with the cops, I thought. And yeah.

Rich: 15:33

Not to cut you off, but I thought when we walked in, because I went with a friend Jimmy. Yeah. And, and I said to him, I said, you know what? I don't see my picture on the wall. I guess I, I, I'm like, you know, I didn't see, I'm still welcome here. Yeah. I didn't see persona non groa, you know, or any of that. And they didn't like, you know, what you think, but it brought back and it brought, and I saw the people there. Mm-hmm. And, and, and, and I could see, and I could feel,'cause some of them were coming right from detox. And at Seafield I did go seven days of detox before entering the, the real world. Not the real like gen

Benyi: 16:06

pop, but

Rich: 16:07

gen pop. Yeah. Yeah. That's the best way to explain it. And um, you know, but a lot of these people I can feel and I could feel what they were going through. And there was a guy from Long Beach, um, you know,'cause they were asking where, what my home group is and telling all the, these people that. And it was just, it was really enlightening and, and opening. And then they brought back things to me where I thought about stuff and I was like, the first thing you have to do when you get outta here, you go to beauty meaning Yep. And get a, and get a sponsor. Sure. Yeah. Because that's what I did. Seafield was great that way.'cause they said you have to call a sponsor. And I think it was like a week or four days or something like that before. We were getting before I got released, no, not released, but before my talk, you know, the, yeah. The, the 30 days were up and they, they made me call the, the, you know, not made me, but they said, let's, and I said, yeah, I'll call. You know, and I, who I had in mind and, and that was key. And then going, I mean, the whole thing was I left early because I got COVID and whatever. Yeah. I don't have to go into all of that. But one of the basic principles, and I've told you this also, is that I think the three-pronged effect, three-pronged effect of going to rehab, inpatient, outpatient, and aa Yeah. Was really, and also concentrating on sobriety for like 13 months.

Benyi: 17:32

Mm-hmm.

Rich: 17:33

Like without doing anything and just being like, boom, I'm gonna just, I'm just concentrating on sobriety what I have to do, because. Yeah. Everything is great now. Yeah. And good. And the relationships are being rebuilt with family members. Yeah. And you know, my mom and dad and this and that. Not that we really had anything bad, but it, it's just a different feeling today. And um, you know, like my mother was telling me the other day, she was just, she just is so happy that I'm sober. Yeah. She's like, that's the best gift you can give. And then we went yesterday shopping for cell phones for my parents, and that was an ex, that was an experience. There is no way I would've been able to do that if I wasn't sober. Yeah. Because just, and not that they're difficult, but just, you know, it's, you know, they're, they're, they're getting older, not that they're slow or, or slowing down or anything, but they're just, and they need to like. And, and, and they need to get into, you know, understanding the phone because the poems, they're confusing for me. Yeah. And, and for someone that never, you know, they grew up with, uh, my dad was saying, you know, it was like, you know, the dial tone. Yeah. And then, and then the party line and this and that. But that was something that we did yesterday or Monday. I think we went Monday. No, yesterday. I think it was all, we did everything. I think yesterday was like a big DD day after Sunday on the beach. Yeah. We went to the, uh, Verizon store and, and I mean, that was really an, i i, in a good way. And I was like, wow, I can do this. And, and we were, we were laughing and, and it, and it went really well. Mm-hmm. And then to speak at night, and then, I mean, things are good, you know, I'm not complaining.

Benyi: 19:21

Yeah. On that note, uh, what I wanted, like, I think you, you, you hit a chord. When you say like, uh, to wait, like No, at least like 13 month a year. Before doing anything. Um, sometime like, you know, I, I'm against like those hard time, you know, don't date in the first year, uh, no major decision in 90 days, that kind of stuff. But I understand the idea behind it because one, we are still under the, the influence somehow of like, you know, our old habits, old habits die hard. And also, um, I think it's necessary to lay the foundation, the, to lay some good foundation for your recovery. Don't to, to, um, to wait to get off the pink cloud because, um, once, once everything is rosy and everything is going great and you're sober, that's great. But let's see how you react in your first, uh, confrontation or your first, when you face, when you're facing conflict or, uh, confrontation for the first time. You know,

Rich: 20:44

and that came a lot with me. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Yes. 13 months. I didn't do anything. What I meant by not doing anything mm-hmm. Was I didn't work. Mm-hmm. And, and the thing, I didn't turn business away, but I had a lot of renewal commissions coming in, and I had some money saved up and my family helped me out. So in that sense, I did not have to go and get, and get new people, a new clients. But, you know, I made some, you know, I, I Yeah, you're talking about, it wasn't like I, I just said, oh, you know what, I'm just concentrating on sobriety. Yeah. I felt, you know, a relationship and it wasn't a romantic, it was. What, like, when I got sober, I wanted everybody to be sober. So this woman and, and I, I was helping her and I thought she really, you know, and, and it could have damaged me, but I didn't go and, you know,'cause she was an interesting woman. Yeah. And you know her and, and you know, and the thing was, you could tell that I was like, not going to meet. And then, and I thought that because I was helping her and I was doing things to help her get sober, that I didn't need meetings. Yeah. And that is a misnomer. And I don't know the grace of God, something I didn't pick up because there were some trying times with that, with her and, and, and, and, and, you know, just, you know, I, it was, it's too much to get into right now, you know? Yeah. You talk about it in for just, and I've, I've talked about it in other podcasts. But the thing is that that, you know, was something, and then the other thing was I, that was like more like the second, or no, that was the first year. But also something else happened in the first year after six months. I, I, my, my, my sponsor and I haven't had a sponsor. And I'm not bragging, I'm just saying that didn't work for, you know, like, he was great. Mm-hmm. And I still talk to him, but you know, like we just kind of dis uh, dissipated where it just wasn't, it wasn't like, oh, f yourself and this and that. Yeah. And I never wanna see you again and you don't understand it, blah, blah, blah. It was nothing like that. It just kind of just naturally, you know, just he's allowed. Yeah. Uh, dissolved. Yeah. And that was it. But with him, if it wasn't for him for six months, the first six months, I met him at seven o'clock in the morning and we did stuff until seven o'clock at night. I mean, I didn't meet him, but we, we, we were on the phone at 7:00 AM then we were going to our first meeting, and then there was an afternoon meeting, an evening meeting, and we were spending so much time, we were doing the steps. We were doing the, the 12 and 12. We were 12 traditions. 12, 12 steps. And, and we did a lot of stuff at his house. We did a group thing and, and, and it was like a boot camp. But I could have gone out after that happened saying, well, I don't have a sponsor anymore. And you know, that, so there were a couple of things that I'm just blessed that didn't happen that could have, you know? Yeah. And, and you were instrumental when you saw that, you know, you were like, uh, in your Benny way, you were just like, why don't you check out this place? Yeah. Why don't you come here? Why don't you go there? You didn't say, you know, Richard, you're looking really bad, or anything like that. No, I don't

Benyi: 24:03

think you are looking bad per se. No, but, but

Rich: 24:05

you were just like, you gave me like subtle hints, which is what, what, what, what is so. Great about you and, and I love about you is that it's subtle. It's not like, you know, you don't hit me over the head with the hammer. No. I, I even though I needed to probably get hit over the head with a hammer, but, and, and then I went to that group and I picked up four coins one night.'cause I had, I had been sober, but I never, you know, so I got 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 or five one, whatever amount of coins. I got them all one night. And, and, and it was like, you know, it was something else. And, um, they thought I was insane.'cause it was like, when they were saying anybody was six months, I raised my hand. Got it. Anyone was seven months, raised my hair, got it. Eight. No. And, and I went up there four times. They were like, they're like, you crazy. I was like, well, you know, you just, you know, but, um, they didn't say I was crazy. I'm kidding about that. But, you know, and, and, and that's the thing that for whatever reason, anything can bring you out. And, and, uh, and I'm gonna. One more thing I wanna say is that, and I started smoking again. Mm-hmm. Not blaming her. She was like, while

Benyi: 25:13

you were in that, uh, relationship. Yeah. Yeah. She was like the gateway. Mm-hmm. Because

Rich: 25:17

she smoked. And so one night I was like, can I have a cigarette? I had it and I smoked. I was, I had done that, but in the past I've had one or one cigarette here and there after, you know, like, like, and, and then it would be, I wouldn't have one for another four years or something like that. So that was nothing. But I had stopped smoking for 16 years and then that time, and then I started buying packs. I knew when I was buying packs. Then I was back this morning and then I was vaping. And I, you know,'cause it was like all, it's either with me, it's either all or nothing. Yeah. And, and that's where, this is the point I wanna make. I can see how people relapse, you know, it's just takes one thing and, and, and, you know, one little thing and, and. Oh, have a sip. I'll have this. Yeah. But, oh, let me have a cigarette. And then, but now I'm two years quit. I haven't, I haven't had, or maybe a year and a half, but it's close. I really haven't put a time on it, but I did have that relapse and then I haven't had a cigarette since. And that, and so I can understand where, you know, you wanna just try something?

Benyi: 26:31

Yeah, I, I, I get it. Um, yeah, like, uh. Me personally, I, I, I'm not a preacher. I'm not gonna be like, oh, you need to do this. It is just, I was concerned about you because of how overly invested I thought you were, uh, in that relationship. And we talk about that. Like, it was not romantic. It was just like you wanted to help somebody because we were all in, um, outpatient and you wanted everybody to, to, to, to get sober and help them. You know, like, like we were supposed to help each other out. Right. And I understand that, but I'm gonna go back to it later. What I wanted you, what I wanted to ask you was like, what you mentioned earlier, uh, so your sober date was July 20, July 25th. Yeah. But you decided to give that day away to a new, uh, celebrant who was gonna have the one year that year. Right. There are like some, there's, there's some groups who celebrate, um. Who let the first years have their celebrant. Right. That who let the first year celebrant have their day? That's what I meant. And, um, not our group, like our group, you celebrate on your day. If there's like, doesn't matter if there's lot people, 10 people, but you didn't have to do that. But you did it anyway. Why was it so important for you to have to let that person have that day?

Rich: 28:01

Because I watched the progression of her from day one mm-hmm. To, to where she was, where I saw her and I was scared of her. No, no, no. You know, like, I, I just was like, ah, you know, like we would be in line for coffee. And I'm like, no, no, you go first.'cause I was afraid she was gonna spill coffee on me if I cut her in line or something. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. But, no, no. But I saw the progression from when she first came into that and then hearing her story and how she had been trying for 20 years. To get to put one full year together. Yeah. And, and, and, and not that like if, if she didn't have 20 years Yeah. Or try 20 years. And I still think, to me, and, and I'm weird, but I just think that one year is a monumental'cause not a lot of people do that. Yeah. Not a lot of people make it. And, and, and, you know, so I think that's just my personal opinion. And I wasn't gonna make any, you know, I wasn't gonna make a, a, you know, you know, a suggestion or anything. It's just something I did for her and I saw her and she appreciated it tremendously.

Benyi: 29:13

You did that on your own and that I recommend you for that. Uh, and that was great. Um, you said that also that not a lot of people make it right. Uh, you know, not everybody makes it to one year, but we're talking earlier that among those who made it, we see a lot of one year, two years, maybe three. And then we see some people with 10 years, like 4, 6, 4, 5, 6, 7. It's kind of rare. And we are trying to figure out why is that, you know, for our experience in the room, like, you know,

Rich: 29:53

I'm thinking it's complacency. Yeah. They had some sort of stat somewhere where it's like a lot of people make it one year and they might have multiple one year, multiple 10 months. Yeah. Multiple nine months, six months, three months, whatever. And um, but then you see, and then you see two years, three, but then you don't, then you don't see, like whenever you hear, well, we're celebrating this anniversary. So, and mostly you hear they're celebrating one year. Yep. And then you hear someone who might be two and three that then very rare, five, six, and seven, because then it usually jumps to Now he's 25. Yeah. Oh, no. Or she's 25. He's five because that's, that's what I've been hearing. Yeah. It's like 35, 30. 25. 20. And maybe someone's 12 years after say they relapse. There, there was one guy or one girl that had put some time and relapsed, and then now it's another 12 years. Yeah. You know, but, uh, I don't know why that is. And I think to me, it has to be lack of, it has to be complacency. Mm-hmm. And maybe just thinking, you don't need to go to the rooms. Yeah. You don't need to talk to someone, or you don't need to, you know, oh, I got this. And, and then you sit home and then you do it, and then all of a sudden you see a beer commercial and you're like, you know what? I'm not, I'm not at all, but I'm just guessing that you're sitting home. Mm-hmm. You're sitting, you, you, you're not doing, you know, and you're not practicing the principles that we're taught. Yeah. And that way you get lazy and then you're just like, sit, you know, because to me, idle time was the devil's playground. Yeah. And, and you know. I mean, if you're sitting around and you have nothing to do, it's like, well, you know,

Benyi: 31:48

I wonder if, uh, it's a natural phase of recovery to fall out naturally out of the rooms for a while. Like you, um, I've heard a few shares, even those who have long time, that there was a period of time where like they, they, uh, they didn't make any meanings. I'm not like a guy who thinks like me meeting makers make it like some do, some don't. I don't think that's a saying to take to, to the letter of it, but practicing the, practicing the steps and being spiritually fit at all time is necessary. So I can understand how after maybe three years a person start, like, you know what? I used to go to a meeting every day. Maybe I'm gonna go now twice a week, but like stopping all together, right. And being complacency, I mean. We, we see a lot of, like, there's basically nobody I know who has 4, 5, 6, 7. Like most people I know are like two, three. I know. Maybe one person with five and then the rest have like 10 or something.

Rich: 32:54

The thing is, I, I don't go to as many meetings as I did when I was first getting sober. Yeah. And Rudy was my sponsor and helping me, and we're going to three, four meeting, you know? Mm-hmm. Now, but see, the thing that I do that maybe I don't call 5, 6, 7 days a week, but I do, like, I go on a Tuesday night, I go to a, a, a meeting, it's called Calyx. And it's for, um, it's a Catholic men's group, but all the guys in it are alcoholics or recovering alcoholics. So it's like AA plus, it's got a spiritual co uh, you know, a, uh, aspect to it. So we discuss things that. If we discussed it in a regular AA meeting, it would probably scare people away.'cause we talk do talk a lot about Catholic religion. Yeah. And, and the gospels and this and that. And not that it would scare a lot of people, but certain people they have a, that that god problem. Mm-hmm. So what I'm saying is that I've tightened up where I go to that on a Tuesday night and then I go to to, to no matter what club, no matter what. Yeah. I'm always there, but it's not just going to the, no matter what club meeting, I do commitments. Yeah. And I really believe that, you know, I run the Thursdays as Bill sees it down at the beach. I think that that gets me in the mind. And because it's a commitment and they, that's what, from the beginning when Rudy first was my sponsor, he's like, you gotta do a commitment coffee or whatever, or this or that. And that's always stuck in my brain. So do a commitment and that's. That's kept me sober. Yeah. Maybe I'm not going to as many meetings, but I'm committed. Well, not committed. Committed. Yeah. Not committed in that sense. Yeah. But I'm saying I, I have a commitment on Thursdays and I will do that, and then maybe I'll do Tuesday, whatever. But I really believe that if you do the coffee commitment, you do a day, you run a meeting, you, you, you're a greeter or whatever it is that, that brings you into it more so than just showing up and because I, yeah, they're right. Meeting makers make it. But the thing is, what are you there for? Not necessarily. Yeah. I don't believe that. Like you don't mm-hmm. Specifically. Yeah. Meeting makers make it, that's a great sentence. And that's a good rah rah Yeah. Thing for, for everybody to say don't drink and go to meetings is another one. Yeah. Duh, duh, duh. Let chill. Oh, really? No, really? I, I, I, I can't drink. Yeah. And I have to go to a meeting. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. I, I really, that just slipped my mind. But with me, you know, meeting makers make it and go into a meeting. It, it depends also like what you get out of the meeting. Yeah. Because you and I could go 17, it is not 17, but we could go to two meetings a day, seven days a week, 14 meetings a week. Just sit at meetings. Yeah. And, and, and if we don't actually do anything, if we don't do steps, if we don't act, if we don't do commitment, if we don't help another struggling alcoholic. Yeah. Then, then, then those meetings aren't gonna mean anything. It's just gonna be like, like mental, uh, it's just gonna be like. No, you're fine. Oh, just like mental masturbation? Yeah. Where it's like, or, or, or, you know, like, okay. Checklist. Yeah. So check mark. Yeah, check mark. I went to that meeting. I went to that meeting.'cause we see it in the meetings. Yeah. And some people piss me off that they're like, we're not even done with our meeting. And they're like, oh, I gotta go load, leave

Benyi: 36:28

to another meeting. I, that they

Rich: 36:30

leave. Like, uh, our meeting closes at nine 15. It's eight 15 to nine 15 on the beach. Yeah. Everybody's interested. But, um, you know, like they, they'll leave at a quarter to nine to be able to, to make it, to rush. To rush to another meeting. That's all at 10. Yeah. That one can say, well, I went to two meetings. I started at six 30 at, at, you know, and then I went to the eight 15 and now I'm normally the 10. Now I'm normal. The 12. Yeah. And it's like, they're just like. Keeping themselves busy.

Benyi: 36:58

No, I, I agree with you. Like there's a certain idea of like, not only what you said, what are you getting out of the meeting, but also what are you bringing to that meeting as like contribution through commitment to your presence, to like, you know, the shares. Because even the share, somebody can relate and you can maybe offer a solution or like, you know, what went through and that identification, that share might help another one. You know, and, you know, something just came across my mind and I want your, your opinion on it. I think, yeah. The reason we don't see many, 4, 5, 6 years in the rooms has to do with some, has to do with, uh, validation, external validation, because the many people have one year, right? A lot of people can make it to one year among those who make it to one year. Right, because the support around the first years is great. Then the supports become less two years, then three years. That's the last time that everybody, you know, that you even share your takeout. You don't, people usually don't share account after year, but like that's like people start forgetting about you. They're like, oh yeah, he's just sober, but we don't know how much time. So there's not really like external validation there. Right. And you have that gray area where you don't have five yet, and you don't have 10. When people have 10, like 10 is a big number, right? You get celebrated. So you have you, there's that shadow realm where like, for lack of better word, we don't reward as much the people who have those years, those 4, 5, 4, 5, 7, 8, as much as we do. Those who have 10, or those who have 1, 2, 3, right. I wonder if the relapse is also correlated to the lack of validation and you basically, how do you feel when, like,

Rich: 39:03

I think you have to be cognizant of your time and you don't have to go shallow from the rooftops and you don't have to shout at meetings. Yeah. This is me. Yeah. Like, I, I, and it's gotta be, you know, like every so often, and I don't do it like on a, I'll just pick up the phone and look at the app and be like, wow, like two month, two years. Mm-hmm. And four months, you know? Now, I mean, yes, I celebrated three, but I, I would always look and then I would bring it up at a meeting, not on purpose. Just be like, wow, today is two and a half years for me. Isn't that, that's great. Because they don't really, after that first year when you're a rock star mm-hmm. They don't really celebrate. No. Yeah. There's only one other group, and I think it's in Baldwin, they give out an 18 month, Tim. So it's like a year and a half. But after that, they just said, well, yeah. And I think that to me, for me, it would be like, like I, I was like, well, two and a half months, 2, 2, 2 years and 10 months, you know? And, and, and, and I just kept it in my mind. Mm-hmm. And, and just reminding myself, wow, this, it, it's increasing and I'm, and I'm doing it and I'm being aware. And, and I think that's the only reason I, I think I, I, I don't know why people, you know, maybe they get complacent, like we were saying Yeah. After a year. And, and some people they're like, you know, a year was so hard. I've been trying for so many years. Mm-hmm. That's like, and, and what is it that an old timer told me was like, the first year is a gift. Yeah. The second year is when you put, start putting the work in. Yep. And, and then, and that got me nervous. Yeah. Like, and the thing is. Not that I show it outwardly or I say it. Mm-hmm. But in the back of my mind, I'm just scared. So I'm always no, like, I'm always looking at my, not always, but I'm always trying to say like, this is what I do. And, and the, I do do this the 25th of every month. I celebrate, I just, and, and with my family, I send a text out and I'm like, it's 25th, can you believe it? You know, and it's like, I know. And I did two years, 10 months, two years, 11. Yeah. And three year, you know. Then on the 25th of this month, I will say it's three years, one month. Can you believe it? And, and, but that's just within my family. Yeah. I don't do that with everybody. No. Yeah. I, I understand what you mean. And, and, but, and even if I didn't do it with my family, I keep it in the back of my head. Right. Because the 25th means that I should play that number because I honestly like. I always like on the 25th of the month, it's like mm-hmm. I'm, I, I just, it makes me, I, I just remember and, and that, that has kept me, I don't know, maybe I'm weird, but that has at least kept me in the present of like, okay, guess what's coming up on the 25th? You know? I don't know. No, because I, I, I, I, I see you and I feel you for what you're saying. Like, how come we don't have, when they make announcements Oh, and he's celebrating too. She's celebrating too. Yeah. She's celebrating four. No, it's usually that, that, that big jump, but I don't know why.

Benyi: 42:22

Yeah. I, I think maybe external validation has to do because I've seen, I've seen some people, I've seen ways that people celebrated one year where like I was, I was in a city and I know some people in group, in the city, and. One person was confining to me that they were, that they were struggling because they had their first year and all the attention of the first year, uh, uh, went away right after they, they, they, after they, they had the chip and they told me that on the day of, the day before the evening, before the one year, the way they celebrate usually is like with people of the group who stay with you, like kind of New Year's Eve party and countdown to midnight. And I'm like, whoa. Oh, whoa. That's a lot. That's a lot. I understand. Now if you pass one year, like you don't get that kind of attention anymore, that that might be a little bit rocky. That, that, that would be something I'm like, that's too much for me. Like too much. That's too much. Like I, um,

Rich: 43:38

and I really think that. And, and see they do do a lot of, of, of, they do push that first year. Yeah. In the rooms, no matter what group I've been at. It's like, except no matter what club

Benyi: 43:52

Yeah.

Rich: 43:54

Um, they don't push

Benyi: 43:55

that. No. Yeah. Most groups usually let you celebrate your first year. They,

Rich: 44:00

they don't, they, they, but that's the way, that's the uniqueness. Mm-hmm. About the, you know, our, our, our, uh, our group. Because you know, you don't have to have time to have a commitment. You don't have to have time to, to, to chair a meeting. Yeah. You don't have to have time to go speak. And a lot of other places are like, you must have 90 days, you must have six months. You must have this, you must have that. Or, you know, there's some, some places even were like, you can't share anything unless you have a year of sobriety.

Benyi: 44:30

Yeah.

Rich: 44:30

You know, and, and I see the point, but at the same point. I think it should be open to whenever, whatever amount of time you have, because by having that commitment, like my sponsor told me from day one, when you have that commitment, it makes you think about where you have to be. If you don't have that commitment and you don't have a coffee commitment, fuck it up. Uh, screw it. I'm not calling it, I'm not calling it a meeting. Yeah. But if you are like, I gotta make coffee, or everybody's gonna be pissed at me.

Benyi: 45:02

Yeah. It forced you, it forced at least your physical

Rich: 45:05

body to be there and say, say we're cutting down on our days like me. Yeah. And it's like, and, and I could then, and I'm not running a meeting on a Thursday.

Benyi: 45:16

Mm-hmm.

Rich: 45:17

And then it's like, well, all right, I know I'm gonna go on Sunday, but then something comes up and I'm like, you know what? I'm just gonna watch the football game. I'm gonna hang out. And then you miss. And then I could see how it builds up. Yeah. And then you miss another week and then another, and then, and then all of a sudden it's like, you know, well, you know what, I'm really not an alcoholic. Yeah. Because I don't need meetings and I've stayed. So maybe that goes for four or five months and you go sober without a meeting, then you're like, then the brain starts cooking. Then the brain starts. Yeah. Then it's, then it's like talking to you and it's like, you really deserve a drink. Because look, you've done three years and a half. Mm-hmm. And, and, and nobody else can say that. And, and, you know, look, you're doing well. You don't have to go to meeting. So have one little spear. Yeah. Oh, buy or buy like a shot. Because now they sell shots at seven 11, but you know, by, by a fireball. A fireball, yeah. Like a, or, or

Benyi: 46:11

first ball. They call it first ball, whatever it is that they sell.

Rich: 46:15

But, you know, so I can see how that happens, but by keeping a commitment. Mm-hmm. And, and also. I think with, you know, being a member of a group and knowing that the last Sunday of the month, no matter what, I have to go down there for Yeah. For a business meeting and, and be a part of that and, and be a part of contributing to parties. Mm-hmm. Like we have the end of the year party and we have the other party for the, for the anniversary and to bring stuff to that. And I really think that keeps you involved. It keeps you present. Yeah. It keeps you, you know, interacting with people.

Benyi: 46:54

Um, yeah. That I, I think that in order to make it in, in, in the valley of those years, of those, Andre, I'm gonna call them the ungrateful years because you don't get any attention and it is what it is, uh, to make it to a, because you're not going to, uh, get the same validation as you used to when you have 1, 2, 3, I think to make it to this. Like the idea of having an ambition greater than ourself is preponderant. Like we talk about service, but like having to help another one and not thinking, doing it for doing it just for the sake of the virtue is a way to me, like, you know, forget about like the tanks or like how you look or your ego. Yeah, you, because like it's not gonna be there for a while. Like, no, like it's, it, it is not gonna be there for a while and to make it there. And nobody gives a shit that you have five years or like four years. I mean, nobody comes really, you not, not being the center of attention, not even being the center of attention, not having that much recognition for what you, you going through. Because also there's an assumption that if you are in those years, you cannot have it figured out. Like, right. Like, oh, you good? Like, it is four years, like nothing happened, but life still is still happening. Right.

Rich: 48:24

Well, you know, what was it, you know, with, with the marry, this has nothing to do with aa, just pop, things pop into my mind and I was thinking about Marilyn Monroe and the seven year itch, you know, that movie was about like, after seven years you get the it, so what is it keeping you away from like the itch of wanting to t trak? Yeah. Like how many years is it? You know? And, and, and the thing is you have to just keep on working at it. Mm-hmm. And like the minute you stop working, you stop reading, you stop it's spiritually and stop helping somebody, you know, like, oh, will you do this? Nah. Like, someone calls me up, like last night Jimmy was like, you want, can you come with me? Can, do you want us to come speak at MUMC? Mm-hmm. And I could've been like, nah. Yeah. I could've been like, nah, I really don't wanna, but I was like, yeah, I'll go. You know,'cause see, speaking and doing commitments, it not only helps other people be sober, but it helps you be sober. Right. When you speak at a meeting, it helps you stay sober. Yeah. As crazy as that sounds, it does because, no, it does.'cause you are like, hopefully you're helping, you know? Yeah. Something you say that one person will like take. Last night I said, I forget what I said. Sometimes I forget what I said. No, me and, and, and probably you two. Yeah. But it hit a couple of people and they said, they came up to me afterwards, they were like, yeah, they're like, sometimes we get no shows here and it really stinks. And they're like, and, and sometimes they're like, and then we have counselors. Mm-hmm. They're like, that have never picked up a trick in their life. And, and they might be good counselors. Yeah. I'm not trying to start a thing with that, but like, to some people that, you know, they, they don't have the empathy. Yeah. You know, like, and, and I was talking last night to the, the people. I remember back in Seafield, there was a woman that was talking in a meeting and she never touched a drug or a drink. She was lecturing on something and there were three guys that fell asleep in the back row, and they had just gotten outta detox. And you then, when you're, you know,

Benyi: 50:34

yeah. I remember that day, she, she kicked them out and she kicked, kicked them out because

Rich: 50:38

she thought that they were falling asleep on her lecture. And it's like, look, honey, you know, not, not honey. I, I, but like, but it's like, look. Yeah. It's not all about you, you, it's about the, the patient. Mm-hmm. That's what who you wanna reach. Yeah. And by you, you are thinking it's all about you. Yeah. She took it personal and you took it personal that they're falling asleep. They're not falling asleep on you. They're, they just got outta detox. Yeah. So they're gonna be, they're dead to the world. Mm-hmm. They're not dead to the world, but they're very, they're beat up. Yeah. And, and of course they're gonna, all they want to do is sleep because they were taking all sorts of drugs to keep them up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh. And now they don't do that anymore. And, um, you know, so that was something last night we were talking about. Mm-hmm. And these people really were touched by the two of us coming because they were like, sometimes there are no-shows. And they're like, and you guys members who come from, they're like, that's why AA is so good, because there's not someone who's gonna run a meeting or talk at an AA meeting and say, I've never touched a drug or an alcohol Yeah. Or alcohol in my life. Yeah. But I've read about it and this is what I'm gonna tell you about an AA meeting. No way. No way. No way, Charlie. No, no way. Are you gonna do that and get away with it? You know, you, you might try it. Yeah. People are not gonna, because you're not gonna have the empathy of like, yeah, I know when it's lying. Yeah. That, you know, you're drinking, that they're having that drink, you know?

Benyi: 52:04

No, but that's true because even the steps, the, when you read the big book, they emphasize on the idea of, uh, on that part of identifying with the person, you know, I used to think that. Identifying was like, um, overrated. Because my personal story is like, I mean, but different is like, you don't have that many immigrants in the room who came, you know, from another country and like, uh, uh, study in college, then speak a different language. You know, like most people I know were like, even those who were born aboard move here when they were kids. So like, you know, they were very Americanized. I was unrecognized when I came here at si found a way to fall into, uh, addiction. And like, so like, my idea of identifying to other story was like, you know what? I cannot relate with the DWIs. I cannot relate with jail. I never went to jail. I cannot relate with like, you know, the, um, the family court or like, you know, being divorced, the kids. I don't have any kids. Yeah, like, so it was, but I could still relate at the, at the feeling level. Like that feeling of like. Uselessness, that feeling of, uh, being, not being enough, that feeling of like, um, of self-pity, you know, those feelings. I could deidentify with it. That

Rich: 53:27

was like me. Mm-hmm. A couple of months ago I went to speak for, at the Hempstead Group, and I walked in there and I was the only white guy. And I looked at everybody and I looked at them and I'm thinking my, they're probably like, I, what do you got for us white boy? Yeah. You know?'cause I look and I, I, I might have said something along those lines. I don't know what I said, but like, I was like, you know, they, they were looking at me like, what is he gonna, you know, how's he gonna identify with us? You know? And I told him about lighting myself on fire and everything. By the end of the meeting we were kissing and hugging each other, you know, and it's, and it's just that rapport. Mm-hmm. And that empathy, uh, and then they, they're like. And maybe they didn't let, because the one guy was like, I never let myself on fire, but I've been down there where you just drink so much that you just lose all control. Yeah. And you fall down a flight of steps. He fell down a flight of steps. I let myself on fire. Yeah. It's not the same thing, but they relate to what's going on and the feeling. Yeah. Yeah. I see what you're saying. Yeah. And, and that's why, that's why when you go into the room, you know, like some people I, I've heard from other people, they're like, well, I can't go because I'm different than everybody. And nobody will understand. Yeah. Oh, nobody will, nobody will understands the arrogance of feeling that unique. Huh. You know? Oh, you mean you're the only person that's ever had PS PTSD. Yeah. You're the only person that's ever had a drink. You're the only person that snorted a line real well then come to AA and, and you know, you find out, and, and that's the thing, you know, where, you know, people have said that, they're like, oh, I'm too old. I'm too young. Mm-hmm. That, those are just excuses. So you can continue to do. Damage to yourself.

Benyi: 55:09

I've noticed that. I've noticed that nowadays. I don't know if it's the new generation, I'm not gonna blame them for everything, but like there's a certain, there's a perverse way of like trauma racing, like, you know, like trauma competing, trauma competition. Yeah. Like, you know, like my trauma is worse than your trauma. So like, you don't know what I've been through. Uh, everybody is like bipolar, like everybody self-diagnose themselves. Everybody has a DDH, DAD, like, and here, going back, it all circles around. Going back to this validation, I wonder even in, in therapy, right, when people are being diagnosed with some issue and I'm, I'm asking the question because I'm really want to know what's their first thought? Like, is it that? Oh yeah, that. Explain this. Everything. Well, so, well I was baked that way. I cannot do anything about it. Oh yeah, I have a DDI was baked that way. So like, you know, it's my trauma, it's my attachment style. Say, okay. But is it a way of coping out of like the responsibility? I do a think so. I do think like a lot of like people who are so attached to the level medical level that follows them, use it as a way to cop out. Because you know, think about it, it's like deistic, once you are told that you are this way because of this and it makes it hard for you to change. You can find solace in knowing that, oh, well that's not my fault. This happened to me, so that's fine for me not to change anymore. I feel like that's, that's the thought, that's the thought pattern that I'm seeing. I'm not saying I'm right for sure, but like I've seen people like that, that once they were diagnosed with something, it was like, hallelujah. Like now I've like, yeah, like now I have the validation that I needed forever, and now I understand why I'm like that. But okay, so you got that, you got that diagnosis, you know that you are that kind of, you have that kind of ailment. I haven't seen a lot of people being like, okay, so how do I evolve from there to another, to a better version of me? I haven't seen that.

Rich: 57:35

And, and there are other, other things that people do and I heard, you know, compared despair, you know, and, and then the, the other thing is like, I hate it when. I really hate and detest when people say I was brought up with a punishing God, but now I found a loving in God. Mm-hmm. There is no way in hell I don't care. I'll fight anybody over it. But there is no way that God, that changes that he is always been loving. Mm-hmm. You just didn't accept him. And I'm not trying to lecture on, on, I mean, but like how can he, you know, or punishing God and this and that and I'm like, well that's because you know that you are thinking that way. It, you know, because now all of a sudden you're like, but now I find that the God that I knew that was punishing is love him. He can, he doesn't change. Mm-hmm. You have changed. Yeah. You know, like, people are like, oh, well, you know, I can't do this. I can't do that. There are too many rules, too many that, but then when I came to aa, there aren't any rules anymore. I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah. You've changed. It's not that, that all of it, all of this stuff was bad, that there was a punch in God and that, you know, it was, you know, because you're Irish or because of your parents, but maybe some of it had to do with it. Mm-hmm. But like, you've changed and you gotta understand that, that you made the change. Um, there was something someone was saying about like, blacking out, and I was, I was, I was watching,

Benyi: 59:09

um, what movie was, I was watching Men In Black. Yeah. And it got me thinking

Rich: 59:18

about Hear Me Out, and, because I've never blacked out in my life, so I remember everything that mm-hmm. I've ever done. I wish that I could have like a neuralizer for, like aa, for like all my drinking where it's like, look at the light. And then you're gonna forget all about what, what you did. Yeah. Because I was watching that with Will Smith and I was like, the normalizer. Yeah, that would be amazing. People would be like, oh, thank God. I could figure out about that night when I ran down the, you know, when I was on the, when the street half naked or I was, you know, falling down. There was this woman that told this story and she was like, at a wedding and it had a huge banister. Mm-hmm. You know, like, oh, a rolling banister. Yeah. And she was like, so drunk. And then she was like, she always wanted to, she was thinking about some movie where this, where this actress slid down the banister. Mm-hmm. And she's like, she did an epic fail. That's crazy. Like, but you know, but this is the stuff that we did, you know, that has happened to, to people in the program. Yeah. And, and you know, and that's why, you know, the bond that you make with people, like, I mean, yeah. I don't know. About certain things, but I can empathize. Empathize. Yeah. Like, I don't know about certain things didn't, haven't happened to me. All right. And like you were saying, like I've never been, uh, I'm the same with Yeah, no, no. DWI. Mm-hmm. No. You know, losing the job jail. Yeah. No jail time. No losing the car home or whatever. Yeah. But the thing was is that yet And we stopped it before it happened. Yeah. Because if we continued on our path one way or the other, you or I would had, you know, like you could just got your license if you didn't go to aa, you know what I mean? Like Yeah. And if I started like driving before, say you were driving before you got your, you know what I mean? Before you're drinking before Yeah. Who knows what would happen. Who knows. Yeah. You know, and, and, and, you know, and a lot of things.

Benyi: 1:01:25

Alright. You know, um, we are hitting the one hour mark here. So last question. Um. What are your, not plans, but what, um, are your, how are you seeing that fourth year of your coming through? Like what do you, what are your expectations for the coming year? I'm gonna start Rich's aa.

Rich: 1:01:52

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I am totally kidding. No, no, no, no, no. But you know what's come across my mind?

Benyi: 1:01:59

Mm-hmm.

Rich: 1:02:00

And I heard it at the meeting. Our friend, um, Andre said it. Mm-hmm. And he, and this was really, I thought, what's great with what he said, he's like, what? I'm not, I'm not quoting him per, uh, word for word. But he said something along the lines is that, yes, we're here to get sober, but we're also here to help another struggling alcoholic. Mm-hmm. And that hit me.'cause I was like, yeah, I'm, I'm sober. I do, you know, and, and I work at it and I work hard at it, but. I, I'm not saying I wanna sponsor somebody because I'm scared of that, you know, I just, because I did things differently. Yeah. And like, I, I'm very church-based and I go and I do a lot of praying and this and that. And so, like, if you want what I have, you're gonna have to incorporate that religious Yeah. That, I think really that part of my aspect has really is part of why I'm, that that's at least 50% of why, or more of why I'm sober, because of my spiritual accent. But I'm thinking in this year, I would like to help other people. Mm-hmm. I don't know about sponsorship, but like, you know what, if you, you know, if, if something's happening to you, I want you to call me and then I'll take you to a meeting. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I've heard these stories like, uh, uh, uh, you know, where I had a speaker come in and speak and there was someone in our group. Who was saved by him. Mm-hmm. He actually showed up at, at this guy's house and drove him to a meeting and, and like, I could do that. I could drive someone to a meeting, but, you know, in the past I didn't feel, I don't know if I thought maybe I didn't think I had enough, you know, enough experience, but now I'm, you know, and, but I would like to try to share more as far as, you know, helping people and maybe sitting with them and, you know, I don't know about going through the 12 steps with them, but, you know, maybe read the big book with them. Read, do this, read the 12 and 12, or do whatever, you know. Um, I don't know. It's, it's something that I'm, that I'm shooting for in the fourth year to, to, to, like, really, and I will help everybody. Like, I don't, you know, like call me, I give my numbers out to, to everybody except one person, but, you know, um. And, and you know, so you call me, but nobody really, you know, that's the one thing they say in aa. They say you should learn how to dial a phone. Mm-hmm. Because the numbers are given out. Like, you know, they give the book, someone new comes in and everybody writes their phone number down. How many times do you dial it? Not too many. Yeah. But, uh, I really wanna try to or maybe do something where we have the hot vibe.

Benyi: 1:04:51

Yeah.

Rich: 1:04:53

And maybe be on the hot line. What is that? The g

Benyi: 1:04:57

the night? Uh, the night. The night, the night book. The night book. Yeah. Night watch night. Night night book. You pick night game. Yeah. Night Game Throne. The Night Watch.

Rich: 1:05:04

Yeah. Night. The Night Agent. The Night Agent. But you know, that we could be the night agent of aa. Yeah. But, uh, you know, I, I don't, I really want to, I've been thinking about this and service, service, service. Mm-hmm. And I do do a lot of service not to talk to. My own horn and, uh, pump my chest out. I do do a lot for, you know, and, and I will be there for anybody and I will help anybody do anything. But I want to try to do more service, I think, and not in effect of services, like taking a commitment or doing this or doing that, but I really, but at the same point, I'm very scared of that because we did it. We tried to help somebody, and not that we were, were all, you know, it, it was a very tough situation, but, you know, you no like, yeah. The idea of helping somebody and them not being, and they didn't respond to the what you and I were saying. Yeah. And it was like they could have, and so to me, I don't know if I could deal, not that I would go back out there or something, but like I, I'm a high intensity. I, you know, and, and it's. Uh, go big or go home. That's me. And, and, and you know, like, uh, I don't know if somebody, you know, I would be there for someone, but I, there's also trepidation. What if it doesn't work? Thank you. Then I feel like I failed somebody if they went back out, like there was a guy sharing at a meeting and it was like, it was the first person. He, he tried to help and then the guy went out, got into an accident and killed himself. Yeah. Went out drinking and a guy like, was like, and it was like, no, that's not your fault. You helped him. You tried to help him as much as you can. Mm-hmm. It's not your fault. Then he picked up a drink, but, you know, but we get that way, you know? Yeah. So. You know, so we'll see.

Benyi: 1:07:04

All right. We'll see. Um, again, uh, rich, thank you for being a guest. Uh, one more time on the podcast, uh, and many, many more. Yeah. Congratulations again on your third year. And yeah, uh, guys, uh, I will see you in a couple weeks. Thank you, brother. Thank you. Bye. Alright, free audio post production by onic.com.