Episode 48: Find Your Sanctuary

Benyi: 0:05

Hi, my name is Benny Johnson. As some of you know, I've been struggling with addiction. However, I decided to change my life and went into recovery. I started this podcast 90 days clean and I want to take you along in my journey. What does lie ahead of me? Let me be frank. I do not know. Will I ever drink again? I do not know. This is how Stairway to Redemption was born. It is my search for answer in a real time process of what is going to work for me. It is then my aspiration to help you figure out what is going to work for you. It is our journey together. Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of Stanway to Redemption. First episode of 2024. Let's start this year on a strong note with this week's guest. You might have heard of him on previous episode or even seen him on my in Instagram page. This is the illustrious guest, Philippe, our kickboxing coach. I say our, because today I'm joined by our, the friend of, you know, the podcast Rich, which is here, uh, who also has recently joined the kickboxing class. So we're going to talk about, you know, with Philippe about what this means to us and what fitness means to us, who is in recovery, who are the both of us who are in recovery in general. So without further ado, I guess you guys feel, feel, how are you doing?

Filipe: 1:57

I'm doing good. Um, it's actually a pleasure being here with you guys. So I appreciate the, you know, the welcome. I, um, you know, it's nice to be able to just talk about things that we all somehow, I would say a lot of people experience things in life, but they don't get to talk about it a lot. And I feel like people sometimes are hiding how they feel that they don't really know how to express themselves. So it's nice to be here to help out. All right. Yeah.

Benyi: 2:19

Um, so let's start with, uh, we've been further due to a state of the mind address. How are you doing lately? Tell us something deeper than I, you know, I'm doing fine though. You know, I'm

Filipe: 2:29

doing horrible. No, of course I am. I feel like life is always very, uh, stressful. You have to pay attention to what's going on in the moment, so you don't lose it. And I had to work on trying to get better from that moment. For me, I am a good because what I have is very, it's a good thing. You know, even if, even if work could be stressful, uh, things can be difficult. I have something strong at home and that took me a while to realize to find, um, and having that good support system. If I don't think about it, I feel good. If anything else could be crumbling around me and that person, life is good with that, then I feel very good support from that. I do. Um, and what I feel like I'm doing for people is the right thing. So if I feel that way. I don't have that much of a bad feeling in my heart that the world is going down because I know the world is cool. Yeah, the world is really bad. Yeah. And I just tried to stay positive around that stuff because I know that's the realism of it, but I'm trying to stay good and positive around that. Yeah, that's definitely cool. Having a good support system really does help. I'll say that.

Benyi: 3:27

Yeah, we're going to go again back to the support system and how it works for you, what it is exactly and stuff. Yeah. So next, tell us your story. You know, since you're not in recovery yourself, uh, tell us about what's your relationship

Filipe: 3:41

with Alcoa. As much as I'm not in a recovery, I wish some people that I know in my life were in recovery. Uh, they definitely probably will never including like my dad. Um, so I was brought up on the, you know, people was just drinking, you know, it was a thing. We made wine. We, I mean, I, I stepped on grapes to make wine. Like I, I was. I was always around it. It never seemed like a bad thing because people just act a certain way. And since I lived in Portugal, life there was very, uh, different than it's here. So when people drink there, nobody looked at like, Oh, that person's an alcoholic. There's just, you know, drinking is pretty part of normal part of life. Uh, but I lived life there with my dad and everything and we got to live life. So I never saw, um, the alcoholism affect him as much as I noticed that I grew up. Back then I just saw him being angry a few times. I didn't know what that was. I saw him doing some violent things when he would drink, but I didn't know it was the drinking. Only when I would say when I moved here. Uh, when I was 15, it was, I've realized that he, you know, the alcohol is what made him more into that kind of person. Uh, my relationship with him is that I don't, I don't have a lot of relationship with him. I can ask him for help. Um, like if I need him to build something, if I say hello, he'll say hello, but I don't have a relationship with my dad because. Yeah, I'll call for sure. When I was a kid, I got to do things with them. But when he, when I got here 15, he didn't do that with me anymore. And then the drinking got worse. Um, I feel bad because I know he should be somewhere to help him out that he's never going to see it. That is a problem. Then I would say I hate the most is that I can see things. I don't appreciate them. I like and we forget. So you will come to me and say, yeah. You're never going to like me and then just storm out and, uh, I have no say and nothing that I say matters. So unfortunately, so I, it took me too long to realize that I'm 34 now. It took me about to 27 and 28 to stop. It's not my problem. It's not something that I can help. And I put that on my problems at all times. I couldn't move forward. So I had to realize that I couldn't do that for him. Yeah. And just, if that's what he's going to do, I can still try to be there, try to support it, but I cannot tell him. On what to do, I try to tell the people around them that they could do better like my mom, my brother, those people can get better. So I told him it's not their fault too. And I try to explain to him how I see it. And then that happened with the person I'm dating now as well. When I met her, her dad was going through it. She didn't want to be with her dad anymore. She actually said words like, I wish my dad was dead. And I showed her that that's not the way, because he could get better. But I understand where she's coming from. He tried the program so many times and never did it. And he finally, he finally got to do over a year straight now. And he's good. And she is closer to him. Yeah. And he's the only person that I see getting better out of her family, which is great. I see him getting better. And it's because of this. It has to be things like that. He finally let himself in, let people know how he was feeling. That's what I think it was. Because he was always a guy that would just hold on to himself. He was Not nice to people and then when he got to this problem and he finally had to open up, he got better. He's a good listener, he tries to understand people and he has gotten better. So him doing that got closer to her and she finally stopped doing the whole, I don't want him there. It's nice to have him part of your life. So that's a good

Benyi: 6:34

thing there. That's great. So like, from my understanding, like you said, like when you were like 27 and stuff, you learn. How to, you didn't shut off your dad, you're starting, you didn't cut all ties, but you love him from a distance and you like, protect yourself emotionally because who, you know, is it to like protect yourself emotionally, or just because. I don't know. You will. I, or

Rich: 7:01

did your dad push you away? Um,

Filipe: 7:03

he always, he always, he always pushed me away. I was the person that I would fight them back. I would fight with him back saying they was wrong. Um, I had to stop doing that because I was as futile. Um, every time I tried it, it was just pointless. The next day we'll come by and forget it. You know, he does that to my family right now. I'm not at home. So this is to the rest of my family. Now this is them. I hear them every time. And I feel bad because of course I'm not there. But also I can't put that on me because I used it just, I can help him. But me as learning myself a little bit is because I want to be able to be better. Like I always, I didn't notice I was escaping from home. I didn't notice that work and fitness wasn't escaped and not be at home. And I noticed that it was because going home, I knew I would have to one counter and like, Oh crap, here it goes. Which, by the way, I don't know if it's always the people that drink, but I see people in the gym always went through that. A lot of people come here to run away from what's at home. Yeah. Just so you guys know.

Benyi: 7:52

Yeah. That's, that, that I'm not surprised, but you just hit a great point. Like now talk, talk to us about your vocation of being a trainer and a coach, like you put a point, like, you know, boy, like escaping home and stuff. But how did you come to the realization that you wanted to help others achieve

Filipe: 8:11

their fitness goal? When I first started, like fitness, I was not too young. I was only like in my 19, 20 and I first started lifting for myself. Yeah. So at first I wanted to look good. I did. I wanted to like, Oh, I want to look good. I want this for myself. Um, and then when I worked in, I was working out with groups of people in this gym where they were so welcoming and they were so helpful that I've realized that I felt good about that. I was like, I got guidance and I got motivated. And when I was doing that with them, I realized that a lot of people who just with that alone without motivation and help, they could get a lot better. So that's not where that started. And I felt like I could do, you know, I could help people that way. Yeah. And my help to be honest with you has always been people that are going through a lot more struggles than physically. They think it's physical. I start looking at them physically. And then the more in depth I get into their life, the more I know they're doing it for other reasons. There's more things that are helping them out. It's not just I want to look good. I want to do a certain physical thing. Um, so that's why I did it. I want it. I saw that helping people made me feel good, you know, not all the money because there's like, not as much money as you get paid for sure. But I know most of the places like, you know, commercial places, they don't. They don't pay a person like that because there's 1 employee, but yeah, caring about the people, what they do that pays off. It does.

Benyi: 9:25

Yeah. Like, um, here's what I'm going to, I'm going to say what you taking your class and kickboxing does to be, and I'm going to let Rich tell him what he does for him, especially that now he's most recent. I think I was here for a year before you joined, but like. You know, you like were integral part of my sobriety of my recovery. Like when I got my hair, I have a outlet for, you know, my anger or like my mental stability. Like I can like focus, I get like those. Decide the chemical part of endorphins and dopamine that like, you know, replace that great for addicts, you know, as like a substitute to what we're using when we're drinking or using, uh, or using drugs. It's also the discipline or the instruction of coming to a class, you know, for example, when I am working on a move in kickboxing that I'm practicing that is not there yet. And then I get it and it clicks. Oh man, the satisfaction of it, bro. It's like. I, it's like I'm decoding the matrix. I'm seeing like the green lights, like, I'm like, yes, now I know exactly like something like more specifically, like when you sending a punch, like at the beginning, I had always my fist clinch really like in my gloves, right? I was training myself. The goal was like when you send a punch, you're supposed to clinch at the moment of impact. When I discover that and I like, because I discovered that when I was saw people shadow box, they close their face at the end when they expand and I'm like, okay, that's why you, and like those moments of figure out of discovery of. It's like learning, you know, new skill and like the grind and like discovering that new aptitude and stuff that makes me so happy, you know, and like smiles with efficacy as well. So, yeah, you know, like, but it's, it's fun. Like, you know, I'm not here to compete. I'm not here to trying to be stronger than anyone else. It's just like the zone, like a kickboxing allowed me to reach a flow state where like. I swear to God, like everything gets quiet around me, even the music I'm listening to, and I can just hear my punches. And like, it's just like, it's just me and the bag and nothing else. I'm so focused. And reaching that flow state, I wish it to anybody who wants to, you know, experience flow state, you know, people call it, you know, being in a zone. And you are a great coach to allow us to get there. You know, like now I'm going to live rich, rich. What does like kickboxing class means for you? I don't

Rich: 12:14

think words can express enough of what it has done and what Felipe has done for me. I mean, if he doesn't realize it, you know, because. I was broken, then I went to rehab. I don't want to rehash my whole story, but when I got out, it took me a while. Like, I joined a, I won't name names, but a cookie cutter gym, you can have an idea. I love weights and put them down, but, um, you know, uh, I pick, you know, and that was just to be part of a gym, but I had to get mentally straight from all the drinking and whatever. And I always was in touch with Benny. Yeah. So then he's like, and I was like, right around October, when I joined this plate, I was talking to Benny because my mentally was ready and he's like, why don't you take a boxing class, a kid boxing class with me? And I'm like, are you crazy? I'm 56 years old. I've never boxed before. Are you insane? And he's a touch and strike. The guy's really cool. I'm like, all right, on your word, I'm going to come in and it's been beautiful. And then from there. I mean, uh, uh, you've helped me with, um, you know, we've trained together and you brought me and my body back and I'm like, you know, it's coming back to where I'm getting my sexy back from 20 years ago,

Filipe: 13:38

you know, it will happen, it will happen. You're getting younger, you're looking

Rich: 13:41

younger. And see, and the thing is, I, you know, I'm 56 and I'm not into that. I don't care. I'll tell anybody my age, but I really feel like 20 years younger because I wasted 20 years drinking. And now with what you've done and then the flow state is so amazing and the thing about the gym. It's like my church temple. I mean, I go to church also, but I'm saying this is like another church to me where I come in and it's sacred and like, I come in and do the boxing class. Is just, and it, and I think it's because of you. And I'm not trying to make your head explode. No, no. My

Filipe: 14:19

head won't. won't

Rich: 14:22

promise. I don't try to, but I'm saying with you, with what you've done, the people in that class, there's not one single jackass. And usually you're gonna meet one jackass. Yeah. And you usually, you really will. But. For whatever reason, they don't come. Yeah, we come or a couple more supplies and realize and then they leave because they're like, we

Filipe: 14:42

can't vibe with them. They're the minority. The minority likes to be loud and they like to show people like what it is. Like it's not, we are better. We, we, people that do care and people don't wanna help each other. We are a bigger group. That one person's a douche. Sorry, that's the person. That's the one person, but they feel

Rich: 14:57

that they feel that way. But that, but that's the thing that you've done because like I, I've dedicated, you know, to. Self, not self love, but like taking care of myself and everything is like, in the morning, the whole morning I dedicate before I did work if I'm business, you know, but, and, and coming to the gym and seeing you and, um. You know, with that, I mean, I see him too many times too much still, but to see you, it's like, I'm like at ease, you know, I'm having a bad day and I'm not trying to build, but if I am having a bad day or something, I'm like, well, I'm going to see Felipe. We're going to train and we're going to box. And, and if you get into that flow and it, it really has helped me so much with my recovery. Yeah.

Benyi: 15:44

So like, it leads to me to asking, or what, which just leads me to ask that question. What do you think, in your opinion, you know, and be honest with us, um, what do you think makes. What attitude do you think makes people gravitate towards you as a trainer and as a coach? Why, like you said, there's no like asshole in the class

Filipe: 16:05

or like, you know, yeah. I've been trying to figure that out for a while because in the beginning, when I was, uh, well in the beginning, sorry. When I started to explain this to Jasmine and ask her, she goes, everybody loves you. You know, everybody wants to talk to you and I'm like, I get it. I don't have the time for everybody. Right. But everybody always does. And. I told her that what happens is that I'm an influencer without being an influencer, but not an internet influencer. Yeah, influencer is for, I'm following my own heart and I doing things that I do like as I'm helping people. I don't judge anybody. I don't care what anybody is. I try to find out who they are. And then if I know they are, and I feel like they're not a person that I want to be around, then I will make sure to push them away and I think a wall there. Okay. Um, I've noticed by just being understanding to everybody and pushing anybody and not caring what anyone else thinks has helped me being followed. I think is my energy of just showing that I'm not an ass. Yeah. I speak my mind. Yeah. Um, I understand everybody. And if I starts being like, I would say. Uh, short minded, or they want to pick on somebody. I'm going to be the 1st 1 to say, no, you are wrong. And I don't like that. And I guess people just appreciate having somebody that is understanding that has given me the energy that they wish they could have. And being a listener, because people do want to tell their story and explain how they feel. So you need to listen. And I'm saying need to listen because some of them don't want to talk. So it means you need to figure it out the way that you could listen. So

Rich: 17:29

I just want to add one more thing about him that I noticed. It has nothing to do with the boxing. It's the training. Yeah. He pays attention to you. I've had trainers before where they're on their cell phone the whole time, texting people. Oh, yeah, lift that 10 hot time or whatever. He, I mean, even if it's going off or whatever, but I don't know if you even have it with you when you train, but I'm saying you are like, when you're training someone, you are 100 percent into that person. You might see someone come by and say, but I mean, but they see what you're doing. Yeah. And that I just wanted to bring that up because that's like, to me was like the icing on the cake as it was like. And this guy is paying attention to me because I had a trend

Filipe: 18:09

and once they forget about the personal account,

Benyi: 18:12

yeah, like you for them, you just a number and I

Filipe: 18:16

need that a lot. So, whenever they ask me for advice, I have actually noticed, like, um, even some micro workers, there's like 1 or 2 people that are trying to adapt that they tried. 1 of them is adapting the way I talk to people. And I know he's getting better. Um, Joe, I feel like he's getting talking. Yeah, he gets involved. He's going to class next week. Oh, yeah, he told me. Yeah, so involved. Involved is pretty cool. Um, and then even

Benyi: 18:37

people that shout out

Filipe: 18:37

to Joe. Yeah, shout out to Joe. And then people that are trying to learn from my movements about like just because, oh, that looks good for pt, for people that helps their needs. I'm gonna use my clients. So I noticed these people are learning certain things that I'm doing just because they know, like he's trying to help people. He's not just here to be here.'cause be honest with you, I don't like to just be here for a reason.'cause it's not. That's the owners is everything is you guys, you guys make me, you know, he's been running away from home from my family. Now I love it at home. I come here to help. And that's the only, I feel good. If I don't feel like I'm helping. It's like full of fucking teeth and I fucking hate it. Yeah, so I'll say that I'm only good here if I'm helping. So if you see me smiling and everything and enjoy myself, I feel like I'm helping.

Benyi: 19:14

Oh, yeah. Well, you, I want you to go back to something that you said when you talk to people and you try to figure it out. So it's fair to say that. You try to discern what people's intentions are in order to set your boundaries to them, right? Like, how do you deal with people have, it's a two part question. First part is how do you deal with people who know you don't have the right intentions, right? Or like some dubious intentions, but you still need to be somehow professional with them. You are assigned them as a, you are assigned, you are assigned to them as a plan, you know, uh, as the coach, like how you deal with that.

Filipe: 20:02

Um, I try to exactly, I think you're right. I don't do it on purpose, but I do try to figure it out that they are. I try to figure out what kind of intentions they do. So if I had somebody that is really not, maybe this is interested on trying to find out more about me and they, they're trying to talk to me instead of the class. I'm going to feel that out. All I'm going to do is give them the class. I'll do like a joke or two, but I'm going to just show the class. I'll make class just as hard as it is for everybody. So that you notice is not, you know, yeah, you get a good workout, but it's not a joke and you're not here just to, you know, giggle at fun. You need to get a workout in. If I see the intentions is to do things with me, I'll literally keep it a super professional that isn't a key. Yeah. If I see that as like, um, a mom and maybe they don't have. That connection to kids anymore, because they're in college, they're around, or maybe they don't have the husband at home because something has happened. I try to be more like a little more understanding, a little closer. So they feel like, um, supportive because they don't, they feel like they don't have support. Yeah. And they don't, they don't get help themselves. They don't get pushed to like, all right, I don't want to do this. So I try to be cool. So I'm like, no, no, you have people to support you. Yeah. I'm here and support you like that. Um, and that guy's also just trying to overpower me or just tries to be like, no, whatever. And at that point I showed them to be honest with you. I know people think that. I'm just going to be a dick to them, and instead I just try to show them that their, their ego gets in their way. Yeah. I literally do that. And it's worked, and by benefit, they learn, like, wow, I really come off in a way that I don't want to. Yeah. So they can choose. Yeah. They can continue to be a dick, which I have people in class kick them out. Mm hmm. No problem, I'll do that. There's people that I understood, came up to me and said, you know, I have to get better. Yeah. I could appreciate that. I definitely keep a wall. I try to keep myself Just to know where I'm at and if I don't know, I play stupid. Yeah.

Benyi: 21:37

Oh, you remind me of, but you know, that leads to the second part of this questions when like. People like those women, for example, who are, you know, the kids went to college and they will want to talk. Guys or women who want to talk to you about a problem that see you basically as a therapist. Because, yo, man, you should charge for being a therapist. Because you people are therapists here. Sometimes, I see, I see, I see from afar, like, people not wanting to actually work out, talk to you about their problem, and like I can tell it sucks your energy, like, because, like, people feel comfortable around you talking out to you about their problem. But I'm not sure they realize that's not what you're here for. How do you protect yourself from being sucked dry, basically?

Filipe: 22:27

Um, if I know that it's a person that does that for too much, whatever, I will cut them off. Yeah, there's a lady that I, I know for over 4 years in here, um, she was never my client, but I know for 4 years, I know she is a, a difficult person since day 1, so I started being difficult to my coworker. I stepped in, I was like, Excuse me. I got it. No more hurry because I was like a little more short fuse. So, so yes, I noticed saying no to people that have affected me that way. Yeah. When it's people that really need it. I really try to be able to listen because I know people have a difficult way of expressing themselves. So some people don't know they're doing it to me. Um, I would say even the mom that I was complaining about, I completely get it. If a woman is worried about it all the time, she's right to complain. Okay. I hear, but in my head, I'm like, this debt is very drained. That is a lot. It drains a lot of my energy and you are not wrong. Um, they don't notice that. And that's why I have to like seclude myself from everybody to get that energy back because everybody does do that to me. And I'm like, listen, I'm here for one thing and I'm here to understand and listen to you, but you need to get better for yourself too. And that's what I'm trying to get them to it. And if they can. I'm I'll detach myself and that's when I could go and I, and I feel bad cause I'm trying to be the best for everybody, but I'll ask myself if you don't want to help yourself, I cannot help you because I'm only here if you want to help

Rich: 23:41

yourself. That's the other thing you got to help yourself. I mean, with recovery. Yeah. I mean, that's what we're doing. Yeah. And you and I, cause we're in recovery and it's like. You know, the best thing, because it's like helping, I mean, just doing this, you don't understand what a shit, like, my family, and friends, and everybody who's seen such a change, and forget about the alcoholism, we'll put that aside for a minute. But a change with, like, how I'm so dedicated with the gym. And I mean, at first when I did, you cook kickboxing. Yeah, yeah. Like, my sisters were like, you're just going there to check the girls out. No, no, no, no, no. And I told my sister, because my sister was just busted by chops, but I'm like, no, there's also Guys, Benny, you know, Benny and the guy that they, and Felipe, you know, so my sisters are like, see, no, but then now that they see I'm sticking with it and everything, you know, they're like, wow, it's really done a change. And it just has like mental, physical, spiritual, the whole thing is good. And I, that's another thing I just had to add that it's just. Like my I'm such a schedule freak to stay sober. I have to be scheduled. Otherwise I don't time the devil's playground. I got a block. And so I got a schedule. I can't wait to come to the gym and it's scheduled every single day. Oh my God. Boom. I'm there, you know, it's like, uh, the two of us have been flopping about it or even just like, you know, it's just amazing. I feel

Benyi: 25:18

comfortable missing a day in there when I'm, my body is telling me, Hey man, the higher at all. Like my mind is like, Oh, if you go to the gym, you won't have time to do like. Errands that you need to do, be realistic, take a day off, complete the errands that you have to do. So like, you know, because I was at the beginning spending so much time here because that was my safe space that I was like, ignoring everything else that was happening in the world. So, like, I was procrastinating on what I needed to do, you know, like, for example, applying for grad school, those kind of stuff, or like, you know, like, taking care of, like, even cleaning in the house and stuff. Because like, Oh, I want to go to the gym. I want to spend three hours a year every day. I had to like, you know, six times a week. And just like, you know, this is my safe bet. Like I found like a, I think a happy balance medium. That's not like, you know, when I go home, I just don't slouch. I'm still do my stuff. Oh, if I have too many things that I need to take care of that, I think I'm not going to be able to make the gym today. I'm not going to die. Nope. You know, I'm going to take care of those things. I will come back the next day and my body will be also appreciative, not like the right pattern. And somebody

Rich: 26:35

is that there's a good thing about at least in the mornings at this gym, it's not filled with tripods. Oh, we're

Benyi: 26:41

going to, we're going to, we're going to talk about that. But first I wanted to finish out with, uh, you know, when we talk about. People's energy. Does it happen sometime that you take what you hear from people or like what they basically give to you by, you know, trying to confess to you or like, do you take that energy home sometime?

Filipe: 27:06

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This people could put me in a. I mean, I'm in such a mood and I'll come home and I'm not gonna see his projection because I had, like I said, the, the person at home, right? Yeah. I felt like you, I didn't want to do things anymore. Like, I was just going to work and I'm going to work out. Didn't want to do anything else. Yeah. I didn't want to, I was not taking care of my responsibilities. Um, having just in my life is what put me back into my responsibility. So when I come home, I get to do the things that I know that she expected a house to look like. I try to help out and we help each other that way. Oh, sorry, I was trying to get to the place. I was gonna say,

Benyi: 27:43

um, basically talk about your support

Filipe: 27:45

network there right now. Yeah, she's the 1 that helps me out trying to do the things that are next. So if I come home and she's listening to me about what's going on at work, she doesn't really feel like I'm talking out of my ass. She doesn't make me feel like I'm just. Angry for no reason she knows what I do. She understands me. She knows me So she knows what I do for people so when I come out to you know, like Can you believe that this person could not do this and then it cried to me and then not try again And then she's not like, you know, give him a chance She's one of like she listens to me and she does my frustration She knows i'm not doing anything bad. And then the second later like this I'm good. And that's all I needed. I needed just the same way people need to talk to me about the things. I don't try to do that a lot to them, even though I do find one or two people, but most of the time I'll come home and let her know when Alice tell her that it's never, ever, my energy is never, ever towards her. So she knows that. So whenever I come by, she goes, she's okay. She's like, it's okay. No problem. So she supports me in that way. And she helps me going forward. Everything I have to do at home with myself.

Benyi: 28:39

That's great. Because like, um, I was guilty of a thing in the past that I'm trying to, you know, get rid of. Me being like pragmatic and being solution driven, when somebody talks to me about their problem, I tend sometime of like wanting to give a solution instead of, I mean, I listen to the extent, but then I'm like, okay, you told me your problem, but what's the solution? What are you looking at? Like a lot of people don't want that, you know, some, I mean, some more, some people don't want, they just want you to talk and listen, like they don't want to be like. It's not a sermon, but like, I'm like, I get, I have a low tolerance to insecurity sometimes. So when people talk to me about issues that only you've talked to me about. And then I didn't see them being solution driven after identifying the problem. I'm like, man, you stuck in a hamster wheel, bro.

Filipe: 29:39

Yeah, and

Benyi: 29:43

then I'm like, what do you want me to do? Like I told you, like, but sometimes that's great. What just Jesse is doing for you. Uh, like she just, she's, she's just luring you out and I think that's great of part of support system. Even, you know, for people who are like us who are in recovery, like there's a lot of more in like, you know, like probably in a, you have a lot of people who are like preachy or go, Oh, you should do this, this, this, and that and who don't listen. Sounds like that. Yeah.

Filipe: 30:18

Who don't listen with intentions. Like so like that. Yeah. All right, cool. I was like, all right, nice. Yeah. Like, you know, but I'll agree with them because I want them to just,

Rich: 30:28

and sometimes people don't want to hear solutions. Like you give'em a solution. Mm-Hmm.'cause that's the way I think too. And it's like, what you got? And then, but they don't want to like people like I was helping some people with in recovery and then I just had to cut'em off after a while. They not cut'em off, but just like distance myself.'cause I'm like, they don't, like I'm telling do this, get away from that. They didn't wanna hear it. Yeah. They didn't wanna hear the solution and it stop. Yeah, that's a tough thing. And then you take it because the thing was when I was helping another person in recovery. I was taking it deep and personal because I like, I actually love people, you know, even though that might drive me crazy to know me is to love me, but I do love people. And he was like, when I was helping him, I was just like, because I'm like. It's gonna either, it's banned for my recovery. Mm-Hmm. You know,'cause then I was taking all of his pain in. Yeah.

Filipe: 31:28

Same. Getting it personal. And that could

Rich: 31:30

happen. And that's like the same thing what you were saying with the, with the gym when people are coming to you, you know, and you gotta, you know, watch it.

Filipe: 31:36

If people are talking to you and they could listen to you and then they send you Perfect. They could do that. But if you have a person that does not understand, like they're talking to you and they only wanna talk to you and they can understand what you're saying. I, my, I literally like, okay, this is a person I'm not gonna be able to talk to. Yeah. Because they're never gonna hear my side. It's talking about what they're saying. Cool. Mm-Hmm. I, there's a person for that in my place. I go like this, okay, yay. Nice. Bye. And then that's this. That's superficial. That's the one I go like this. How are you doing? Good. Me too. Yeah, but you'll never talk about the'cause I already know. I'm like, cool. I know this person doesn't care. So there's no point. Yeah. You have to know where your limits are, you know? Um, I definitely try to know my doesn't mean I always

Rich: 32:14

don't it's a tough thing, you know, but it's good to have a good supports us.

Filipe: 32:18

The people that we have around are always good. I feel like we, we are influencers because we are attracting people the same way. We're getting the same kind of energy people around us. So if you see the same people around you, everyone is very understanding. And that's why we get the same kind of people, but we don't get a lot of people that are different or not understanding because our group is like that. So the people I usually train turns out to be more people that are very interested in coming to class. Yeah.

Rich: 32:40

And I, I'm totally into that whole thing where he's saying that the right energy follow and not to compare, but taking Brandon's class, all the people, he's very similar to you as a different, but similar. And, and he, like, we take the class, his bootcamp class and like all the people, there's not

Filipe: 33:00

one idiot. Yeah, it's him. It's him. Once again. It's, yeah, it's, so that's the same.

Rich: 33:04

So it's, it's like the two of you and it's building a nice little in here at Ali's. You know,

Filipe: 33:10

you know, we both know we got to tell each other which is good. I tell him the same thing. He's very good at knowing how people what they need. Um, that's why he creates the same thing as what we have. He's creating the same kind of thing. That's why I like him too. These people that have trained before and I have other trainers that do classes and I'm like, they're not like him. Yeah, not like me. Other people. So I still prefer me and him on that part.

Benyi: 33:30

Um, let's talk about the new year's resolution and the new year's resolution solution is, so I'm, I'm quite conflicted here. Like, you know, I like, which, and I say this place is separated for us, like, you know, it's like, uh, so I see the gym, like every community has its ritual and its temple, you know, and for gym goers, the temple is the gym, the ritual is like to work out and stuff. And I'm conflicted and, you know, between, I really want the newcomers, the newest resolution is to come and I hope that people introduce them to what the gene called the true gene culture, what this is mean to me, and I want them to experience that at the same time, I'm a little bit protective of why. I have, but I don't want to be a gatekeeper. So like, what's your, your view on the New Year's resolution is like, well, that wave, like, what do you do is that you see that you like, and what it is that you see that you wish you'd do that.

Filipe: 34:43

Um, I like the new people I come up to try. And the only thing is, I don't know how many people from my lifetime. The new people that come and try for the New Year's usually will stay, they don't stick. Um, but I'm guessing that they'll stick as well because they don't feel like they can get that support from day one until for a little longer than that. They'll just be like, it's my first month and I can only do that. Um, I like that they try, they just need more guidance. I wish they were more open minded if they don't know what they're doing to get help, ask somebody or just get a partner to help them out. I think that will keep them accountable and that will help them. Um, I also wish they would try to learn the right way. So they may just try to copy what people are doing to each other because everybody wants different and everybody moves differently. And I've noticed by doing all the ones that people can learn a lot more when they're doing that one on one they get to find out what they want to do on that versus, okay, that versus that lifting. I guess that's what I have to do. It's that bar thing and that lift. Okay. I don't think it works that way. I think the new people should have guidance. If they have guidance to support, they would stay for longer. Unfortunately, most of them to fall off. Yeah. Uh, I also don't like the year's resolution because always. Yeah, exactly. So that

Benyi: 35:49

to be

Filipe: 35:49

near. Right. Does that mean you're still serving? I mean, you should just wake up and feel like, wow, can I be better tomorrow? Let's start today.

Benyi: 35:56

Yeah. Let's start today. Like, no,

Filipe: 35:58

don't want to be better tomorrow. I'll start today. Yeah, that way.

Benyi: 36:01

Hi, there's another part that I wish, like, I need your input on this. So, like, as I described, like, the community and the ritual, and unfortunately, in every community, you have to. You have a few zealots that I take away or deviate the purpose of what the community is about. And unfortunately we are in an age where influencers and people with that tripod and people who are like here to like automotives, then working out and making, you know, like they're here for finding a new husband and new wife, like

Filipe: 36:43

the social or SIPs. And what

Benyi: 36:46

pisses me off is those people. I don't know if they're the majority. I don't think they are, but they're definitely the loudest. The loudest. They're the loudest. Yeah, and for the newcomers to see that and think that this is what the gym culture is about. Hey, it's wrong, like, what do you think, why, how did we get there, like,

Filipe: 37:13

we only got them, but there's always been there. That's always been there. But then I realized, think about it. I just told you when I first started working out, I did it for myself. Yeah. So everybody back in the day when they were trying to do something, they're like, oh, it's going to look good. This is a different generation of it because it grew up with social media. So as they grew up with social media, they think that. That's the best way to do it is by showing people what they're doing. Um, there's very self centered. I will give some people the reason and a doubt because they can learn from there. They're very young and maybe they are going to get better from there. Maybe they'll become better people doing this now. And like, wow, I really don't have to do all those. Hopefully they'll learn from there. Right. Um, I feel bad if the newcomers that see it, think that's what it is. Yeah. I feel bad that if that's all they think that's they have to do. Um, but they could also talk to the, it starts up front. So if the person at front desk can really help them visualize it, then they have to do their own thing for themselves. Like I'll sound too late before they can just follow whatever these people are doing on a tripod. I care less. Yeah. I care less. A lot of them don't really show me any things and I'm like, okay, you're not motivating me and I know how to work out. It could be something new. And if you look like a part, no, I got it. But most of the people they're doing it just for people to get, look at them. Yeah. And it doesn't make sense to me. So I'm going to let them do what they're doing. Cause of course that's the times now. Yeah. I think it's me. I don't want to get older. I'm mentality. I'm like, you guys want to beat, this is a new thing. I know this is not just, okay. Do your thing. I don't have to like it. I don't have to be part of this. I. Definitely try to tell the other people that don't like it. They still have a place in here because it's not about that. Like you said, they might be loud, but trust me, they're most of the time wrong. Anyway, meaning wrong is if you pass by, I need something. They're going to either be rude to you. They need the space you're under shot. And be honest with you. That just tells exactly what kind of person you do that. I really started when we got

Benyi: 39:06

asked to move because we were all at boxing.

Rich: 39:09

We had the ladder out and it was like. And we're like, okay, we'll

Filipe: 39:15

move this a little bit. But I'm going to say I feel bad because also the, that person as well, before you were here, you might've seen him. There was a guy here as well called Bradley. He, um, he was the one that kind of like taught her things. And he also tried to make me move my whole class when I was teaching because he was on the deadlift bar and we were in the background of his photo. And he came to me and I was like this, I'm fucking moving. Sorry. I was like, I'm not moving. He shot in the background. Like David, I'm not even in here. I'm just in the background. And you should have seen, I, Oh, I was so I'm like, I'm moving. And then he did it again. And I said, again, I'm like, I'm not moving. They want to take a team shots for the coaches. And I was teaching and I was, so they would make sure I'm like, Oh, are you going to come to my class? Like, cause that ain't happening. Sorry. We're teaching class. Yes, go away. And I kept my ground. Yeah. So those people as much as they want to be right to their things, I could keep my ground. So yeah, I'm not wrong here. I'm here to work out. I'm doing my thing. You got to put a tripod here. That doesn't work out. I don't

Rich: 40:11

mind talking about the tripod and closing and all that. Is I hope it doesn't discourage somebody that would want to, who has really good intentions of coming to the gym, not just part of the crowd that, Oh, it's New Year's, new gym. Say someone really is like, Oh, he's a super OG and it's like, I want to get my life together. Yeah. But then they come in here and see that and then they're like. Well, I can't fit in, I

Filipe: 40:40

feel bad for them. All right, Rachel, now let's do this. You're thinking about it that way. Guess what? When I'm here working and I'm here and I can see that happening, you'll probably be able to see it happening. You're going to see your mom coming in, not feeling good, looking at everybody else, and you will see them like a deer in headlights. You're going to them. Hey, what's up? What you working out today? And they'll definitely tell you they're working out on something and everything like this. Is this necessary? They're going to say something and then you just comment on it like this. It's not about that. You're here for you. You're here for you. Imagine that was a TV. Yeah. It's like another screen. I know you can't change the channel. That's all right. Just look the other way. Do your thing. Like, I tell you, you have to be the one reminded, like, it's not about that. Yeah. You're doing this for yourself. I don't care. If people are doing for competition, no problem. Go win polls and do whatever. Yeah. And I understand how they, I understand how they feel. It was Brendan's client that, no, sorry, Lex's client that Brendan was working out. Yeah. I went, I saw her and I'm like, Hey, you should come to class. And Brendan's like, Yeah, you should go to this class, da, da, da, da. And then she's like, I don't know if I could do it. And I literally sat there for two minutes, explained to her like, If you come to class, everyone is going to be nice to you. I know you've never done it, and they'll help you out. And then she started crying because she was not feeling good for herself and she has no support system. You can just tell by that. And then she's going to come. So, Ms. Mary. So what I'm saying is, these people need you. You. You. It can't just be me. You see, a lot of people just put it on me. You guys think I could do it all. But it's all of you that could do this change. I'm not trying to be an influencer. I'm just had that good energy to help. I try and that attracts, no, I'm

Rich: 42:11

in the gym, or not even the gym, anywhere I go, I try to put a smile on someone else. Yeah. Not to sound like, well you do you, but I do that and I try to rub off on people and then that way, like, I mean, I don't know. From day one he didn't even know me, me and Brandon. Boom. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, and he says hello. I remember seeing you the first time and, and it was just like. You know, and you just kind of spread them

Filipe: 42:36

on Tuesday. They mentioned to you, Oh, my God, rich wants to do all those

Benyi: 42:39

burpees.

Filipe: 42:41

Yeah. See people know who you are. You're definitely making a, uh, you're making a presence. And the presence, as much as you don't realize, it's just you talking to people that helps.

Benyi: 42:50

Yeah. You know, like, um, what, uh, sorry, like what, uh, I heard, I was told that like. You know, we attract people in the class, like, you know, the energy because we all are in a good vibe, but I was told by some people, you know, the people who are like

Filipe: 43:07

always the C word. No, where's the C word? Uh, we're a cult. Oh, no, no. They call us a cult. Like, I think they think the kickboxing is a cult. Yeah, that's what they say. And when they're like, ha ha ha, I'm like, they do have the same power as a cult. Yeah, you're right. Because if I say, if I run to the front desk. Everyone's gonna run to their front desk. So, hey, I told them, like, you gotta be careful with that. I'll pick up the cane in front and just put them outside. Just on purpose. Yeah, everyone's gonna pick up the desk. Let's go. The cult. Ah! You know what I'm saying? When they land in a big group, they definitely are like, wow, that's like a cult. They come together all the time. Yeah. They follow the same thing. But like, no, no,

Rich: 43:44

no, no. We really want to mess with people. We should buy t shirts.

Benyi: 43:48

And like where all the things are like, but you know what happened back, what intimidates people, uh, I was told was partly that, that we look like so tight knit that like, people don't want to feel left off, like that we may give an impression that. Uh, we, we are closed branch, but when in it's the opposite, we are open, like we welcome people. But another fighter that I was told is like, we look good doing it and people don't want to. Look bad doing something like, I'm like, girl, like it's inevitable. If you do something for the first time, you're going to

Filipe: 44:31

suck at it. They are infectious that first day. They want to be doing everything at birth, like right away. And I'm like,

Benyi: 44:37

no, the love is like the grind, like the progression. Like I said, when it clicks, that's, that's the beauty of it. Like you gotta come here and know how to fucking. For like a high, like a roundhouse, like perfectly, like most of us don't do that

Filipe: 44:52

when you're keeping a hand up today. And I was like, that's the 1 thing that we're getting better at is that it makes me happy because I know you're getting better with it by getting better. What are you trying to do? Does make you more involved? Yeah, I was going to get you more involved. The people are trying to do everything in the 1st day. That will work. You need to give yourself a little more time for everyone to be perfectionist. A lot of times I just tell him to take 1 step at a time. And they'll see if they want to learn or not, you know, and even if they can do that right away, because there's a lot, let's just say somebody wants to come to class, there's facilities want to come, uh, like the new ones tonight and Saturday, this will be the first time. After the first time I see if they don't like the class meeting being too rough on them, I'm like, let's do a one on one, let's just get the patterns first, but then you go back to class how you feel. And I've done that with, you know, Jill and Megan, and they got really good. Yeah, Jill's an animal, yes. Yeah, Jill's sweet. Like, um, I know, but I made her like cry twice already by accident. By accident. I took her shotgun, that's what she said. I actually punched a shocker like your energy. Oh, yeah, she did. Yeah. And I was like, I felt bad. I was like, wow, I didn't know I could do that. Yeah, I didn't hit it hard. You just felt the energy off her body. Oh, yeah, she got sad. Yeah, I know. And I'm like, wow, I've made people cry all the time. I make people. I make them grow. Oh, my God. Not in a bad way. I can tell. She was just like, she got emotional with herself. I was like, Okay. And she goes, she was like, I'm fine, I'm fine. I smiled, I'm fine. And, uh, I didn't hurt her. She just felt the energy and I was like, that's like, uh, your, she definitely has so many emotions that she's holding onto. So I letting that go. And I'm sure it's again, something to do with family. So family. Yeah,

Benyi: 46:25

but, um, I wanted to circle back to, uh, the gene culture and, uh, you know, like, those people who I felt or your motives, you know, like, uh, me personally, um, I'm going to be specific here. And, um, my God, I might get some flack on that for the. It's like, all right, there's a powerful thing to feel, you know, like that you work hard, that you have great body, but when somebody is making a shot of a pull that down exercise, right, when you pull that down and it's a back and shoulder exercise, but somehow the focus of the camera is on the ass. That is, I'm like, I doesn't make sense, right? It doesn't make sense. So it tells me more about that person's intention. And like, I don't want to talk to that person

Rich: 47:19

showed me the picture. Yeah. I'm like, the first thing I'm like, hold on. Right. Joking.

Filipe: 47:27

I said, we have to walk around with a hood covering our face. Cause I guess that's all they want us to walk around. But

Benyi: 47:32

I feel like it's a trap that like, if you, if. Yo, one time I was boxing, and one of the lady that is doing that kind of BS all the time, she, she stood herself behind me on the bag when the whole row of bags were empty. She could be at any space to my left, but she was behind me. And I cannot have somebody behind me because I'm distancing myself from the bag and taking space to kick. You know what I did? I just took my gloves. I went on the order. And yeah, I was like, I'm not dealing with

Filipe: 48:11

that BS, man. I understand it, but I hate it if you don't want

Benyi: 48:14

to move it. Like, and the problem is like, if you, when, I don't know, what do you think? Is that a good way to tell those people to fuck off? Sorry.

Filipe: 48:25

Well, if you're recording and you were there first, you definitely could say. I'm so sorry. Am I in, uh, am I in your way of your shot? And then I'd be like, no, no, no. And I'm like this, I still want to be in your shot. Like, you're going to be honest about it, right? Yeah. Especially if they're behind you. I have not had a, thank God. No, I've not had an issue like that. It's like, thank the Lord. I don't have anybody like getting in my way, but I hear that people want to support like that. I heard baby oil, a list of dumbbells while baby oil. So lifting the dumbbells out, they put baby oil, took the picture and then back to lift it. So, I'm saying some people are definitely trying to get some kind of attention because the workout, the guy's saying, they're not really getting the workout in, they just wanted to get the pictures done. Yeah! Um, I, there's moms that signed up, their kids, you know what I'm saying, moms signed up like, you know, males and females, but the females scare me because the females are young and they don't know, the parents don't know what they're wearing because they're wearing their hoodies and stuff like that. And then, and I can see the parents are very naive. They just want to drop them off, almost like a kid in a garden. They're not there to care. They leave, and then they literally get And I'm not lying to you, because I have to show Jesse that. I'm like, there was a girl that was like 17 or 18, and she was wearing a bikini bra pretty much, working out the whole time. And I was like, I mean, I don't want to feel like a pedophile. I'm just here, just working, and I don't need to Look at you and feel certain way. So I,

Rich: 49:41

because then it's only going to happen that you have to, then you're going to have to like, say a dress code.

Filipe: 49:46

And well, so the thing that is like, also, I mean, just talk about that. I don't think there's a way of saying to women out to be more properly dressed

Benyi: 49:53

guys, guys, I

Filipe: 49:55

could yell at any guy that is outside that room without a shirt. Yeah. I'm allowed to. But if I'm not lying to you, if there's a girl with no shirt right now, tell me what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah, you guys can go over there and say it, I'm not. Um, because I'm going to want to get into trouble. Ha ha ha ha ha! It's just hard. It's hard to get to talk to certain people about that. I don't let those people be, um, in my way. If they do get in my way, I won't comment. I'll just ask, hey, you know, am I in your way?'cause obviously if they come there and I, they have more space, I'm like, am I in your way? Yeah. I wouldn't like to be in your way. And I try to be super kill'em with kindness At completely.'cause I know their ego Yeah. Is off the fucking route. Yeah. Next

Rich: 50:35

I don't kindness. They know nobody give

Benyi: 50:38

them kindness and

Filipe: 50:39

I'll, I'll give you an example. Last week something happened where I wanted to say something to this guy'cause he was dropping the weights flat on the ground and I felt like older people could have pick it up. And he was being really angry. And I was not working yet. I was working out. I had headphones on. Full blast. But all I hear is the flat. DING! DING! And I'm like, okay. What an ass. Whatever. And out of nowhere, five seconds later, he trips and falls. I just took my headphone off, like, hey man, you alright? I saw that. And he's like, hey, I'm okay, cause he was acting really tough and I'm like, yeah. Alright, yeah, by the way, you don't have to drop the weights like that, if you don't mind. I work here and I have like, you know, old people complain all the fucking time, man. They can't grab weights from the floor. Can you please now do that? I sit at 10 to saw his ego. I saw the way he was acting later. Fucking the only way I could talk to him is because he fell. Yeah. So I'm like, Oh, his ego's hurt. I can talk to him. Yeah. Yeah. That thing's not going to be violent towards me. Cause I want to make sure he's okay. Yeah. Perfect. Then I got to give my message. I only picked to tell him when I noticed that part. Yeah. If I, if it didn't fall, I was like, I'm not going to say anything to this guy. Cause he's going to flip out on me for no reason. So we are just being angry and tough. Yeah. Whatever. You got to fill out the people. You definitely have to. So you can tell them whatever you want to. As long as you fill out the right way.

Rich: 51:50

Then one more thing about gym culture. How about that story about the person who was taught? It was, there are two girls. You tell us. Yeah, I'm going to

Benyi: 52:02

edit it. Perfect. Thanks, man. Because it's going to be a perfect segue to my next question in gym culture. So I was on the tear drop, right? Like, and I was boxing and there was a bench press ball right there. And we had like, uh, two of our friends, the girls who, uh, were like four about wide the tires off. So, for the audience, they were like about 20 feet, 20 30 feet from where I was and the guy was. So, when I was done boxing, I was going toward them to say hi, you know. And the guy who is next to me, 20 feet away, right? Asked them if they were using the bar that was there. And the girls were so puzzled, they were like, What? We're not near that bar! How long are we gonna be? So, you know, like, oh my god, I see all and everything for guys trying to pick up girls here. Like, it's like, it's, it's, it's That was

Filipe: 53:03

the

Rich: 53:03

funniest, it was like, across the room,

Benyi: 53:06

New York, hey, are you using

Filipe: 53:08

this bar? Hey, hey! Every day, every day, every day, something like that happens, every day, every day. If it's like that, it's gonna be somebody, um, yesterday, uh, me, I was walking with Jessie, uh, for like half an hour, and we're walking on shuttle the whole time, so if I'm walking with her I'm allowed to talk with her next to me. Mm-Hmm. Meaning if I'm, you know, if you're running, it's kinda hard to run and look. Yeah. If I'm walking right, station, looking at her, I'm looking the whole time. And behind her it's just the, the bar, bullet bar. Mm-Hmm. right there. The whole time. The guy's just there. So, looking only that way at her. Now, I only know that he's looking at her because I'm looking at We're looking at each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like this, Do you feel that? And she goes like this, Yeah, why the fuck is he only looking this way? I'm like this, I know he looking He literally If you don't bowl up, you're probably like this. Whatever, five minutes straight, shut up like this, doing every movement, but only staring at her ass. Yeah, me and her were not happy with it, but I was like this, why? Right? She's like, what did they get out of that? There's something to win. I'm not looking with a phone to look at that. So guys going out of nowhere to make excuses. Yeah. Girls to pretend they want to do things with you because they want to learn, but they just really try to. Oh

Benyi: 54:32

man, I would say I had that bro. Like so many girls, like, well, like, like, oh, Benny, I want to try the class. I'm like, come in. And then we don't see them. I'm like the

Filipe: 54:41

fuck Same thing happened with a few guys too. And I noticed because they were also trying to talk to some girls in

Benyi: 54:48

the class That's why I told

Filipe: 54:50

you. Well girls gonna show up guys will show up. Yeah, that's always what I said I'm, like, oh more girls from more guys. Yeah. Um It's not a bad thing. People have to get their own way of getting to people, but I don't like the bs of doing that. You have to know your own space. Yeah, at least special awareness. Like, if you were talking to these 2 girls and I come out of fucking would work. I look stupid. I look stupid. Just like this guy staring at her the whole time. She's like, I'm literally talking to you was staring all the time. Why does he. What do you think I'm going to look at him like this? Wow, I'm just fucking off the bed. I'll jump on it. It's just like, what am I supposed to feel? Oh, when a guy raps, I'm in the corner. Say, or yells, hey, like what I'm supposed to, oh my God, that was so hot. Like, you know, never happened. That has never worked to anybody.

Benyi: 55:35

I never saw that happening. You know, that's when I wanted to ask you the question. You, you, um, you met Jess in the game. And so there is a proper organic way for these kind of relationships to happen. Correct. What's the blueprint for an organic relationship to happen if it was to happen at the gym?

Filipe: 55:59

I need a friend first. Um, you want to find out? Well, so when I met Jess, she was engaged. She was engaged. She was going through a bad period of her life, not only in the games, because she didn't want to be engaged, she was having bad problems at home, stuff like that. So what I did was, I just wanted to be there. I was dating somebody, so I didn't ever, I know she's a pretty girl, but never saw her through that. And you could ask her, honestly, I was like this, she's too high maintenance. Thank the Lord, I would not want to date somebody like that. Well, I'm not attracted to her, because she is really high maintenance. She's really sweet, really nice, but I see her on the outside and she's really high maintenance. Uh, I'm telling she had extensions when I met her. So if you guys saw videos or before her hair used to go like all the way down to here, she was so, she was being so trying to be so pretty. And I'm like, this, we don't need any of that. You are very pretty without that. Um, that's all got there, but so we were friends, I heard her out, help her, uh, motivate her with our plans, even as a friend. So she wanted to get away from our situation for herself. So I said, then you should do it. I mean, if you want to, if you'd be happier and you just did this because you want to run away from home, that's why you got engaged to move, to run away. You should be on your own. You should have your own space and live on your own. You need to be okay on your own. And she knew that it was like two or three weeks. She did that after I was like, good for you. And as a friend, I just kept motivating her, um, everything with her, of course, and the guy fell off. I also got single. And then I said no to her, at least many times. He tried to make me jealous so many times. I didn't know. I don't know. I was being a friend. I was being a friend. She's like this. Yeah, I went to a date with this guy yesterday. I was like this. Oh, shit. Good for you. How was it? I was excited for her and just listening to her. That's what I did. I was So, the best way to have a good relationship with somebody is to not try to get to them. You just be their friend. Mm hmm. And that's all being That's gonna be organic. Because then after that, then I said, So, she's too high maintenance. I don't want to date her. And then it, uh, happened 2020. So 24 now. So 2022. Uh, she planned a birthday party for me with everybody from the class. Okay. Didn't tell me I had to work. I had to work that day because my boss hated to me so much. Managed before Lex, that she actually developed purpose to come here on a Sunday to do a meeting.'cause it was my birthday. She turned on purpose'cause she wanted to fuck my birthday up. Sorry. She did. So she hated me that much. And Jesse knew that. So after the meeting, my friend Chris was like, you know, I'm going to take you to this place, like Star Wars and shit. And I'm like, no problem. Here I am wearing a Star Wars shirt and it was a restaurant and she had like everybody there. Oh, I started because I kept on saying no. And I noticed that the way she was trying to show me that she cared on me was not, uh, just physical. Yeah. It wasn't just all, you know, she's just attracted to me because of me.

Rich: 58:36

That was organic because. All of your intentions from what you said were not based on trying to whatever, because you had a girlfriend or you're dating someone or whatever, and you were just a friend. So then you knew, like, because say you were just single and then they would be like,

Filipe: 58:56

she's trying to be my friend and she was single and is being honest. You know, I'm not, I would like to be, you know, like, wow, like I would love to know that girl, but I would have to be careful because work is work. So if I was trying to talk to people like that, if I was single, it was harder. So I'm like, I don't want to do that. That's why that worked out.

Rich: 59:12

Cause that's such a, I love that concept of the intentions. More people would think, what are your intentions? Why are you doing this? Why are you doing it? Because you're going to help the person. Are you doing it because it's going to help you pick a bank or whatever, or are you doing it because you're possibly going to get you in the bedroom or wherever, or even just out on a date with the person? And I wish more people would just think, what are my intentions? Like, are they honest and good?

Filipe: 59:40

And I helped me out is what made her realize what I was. And that's why she couldn't let me go. Even if I said no. Yeah. Because she saw what I was trying to do was always to be able to help her. She saw that I'm like, I'm always here to help. So. She probably not really had that a lot. Mm-Hmm. And I saw what she, I would do for her. It's like, yeah. And when I saw what she would do for me, and I saw that the high maintenance is more of like a, um, it's a more of a it's more of a mass. Yeah. It's a mass for her. Yeah. Like the more I find out more about her, the, I'm not lying to you. She got me so excited other day she goes. Well, maybe like a year and a half ago, if I told her about my, I mean, my interests and my interests are like completely, she says it this way. When I watch something, I see it with color and she only sees it in black or white. So for watching a movie, she only seems like just whatever it's really exposed and all those messages next, you cannot see it. And I'm the one telling him, I know this is what this means. What this means, you know. The, you know, lightsaber hitting on red and blue as the conflict in his face, see the difference of this conflict. Yeah. Yeah. Things like that. And she's really, so she came to me and she goes I should have like even animation stories of like that something that she thought was for weirdos. So that's what she's like weirdo She would say things that I don't think was her. Yeah, it's not her the more I find out more. It's not her What people taught her and I'm like, do you really feel that way? Well, she goes no like, okay, so Now she's the one who's gonna be like, you know, I saw this anime. So cool. The story I want to show you. And I'm like, this one, you, you, the blonde preggy girl, she's really cool. Cause she gets those same things. I'm trying to show it. It's definitely the passion that I have to showing her, but she really gets involved. She's not trying to please me. She loves it. And she goes, I was, I missed out a lot. Yeah. So we're building up from there. That's what it is. It's just. Not trying to that was never the goal. Yeah, the goal is just to get to know her and help her That's why I worked out and that's that's it

Rich: 1:01:26

Organic is the best way when you have friends and that it just happens. So my

Filipe: 1:01:30

way to tell you is be different Yeah, because they could always tell when the guys didn't them right away. Yeah That's why I don't get a people like thinking that right away and I hate that I hate that feeling cuz I'm just being nice Oh and me being nice. They think I'm like flirting with them and right away. I'm like this You know what the

Rich: 1:01:47

biggest misconception, I think that some, and I just think it's a defense mechanism that you're just saying, hello? Yeah. I'm trying to get inside the pan. Yeah. I'm just saying hello. And, and, and they think that, and, and not they, and I'm not trying to say in a bad way, but like, it's just terrible today because like probably from past experiences and bad experiences and whatever, yeah. That, you know, Oh, that's the only reason he's saying, Oh, no, I'm just saying hello, because I'm saying hello. There's

Filipe: 1:02:19

a lot of fear. So that people I'd like to give another reason of death, because there's a lot of, uh, experiences that guys and girls go through, but a lot of women, what they go through is a lot of, uh, terrorism and, uh, taking advantage of, and people think that it could tell them things like. If they try to get to the girl and the girl says no, they make the girl feel like shit right away, you know, period. And I have screenshots of Kabir saying that to Jill. That guy's Sorry, I'm only saying that because I hate when I see people that I know and I'm like, they're trying to present themselves in one way. But I have proof, physical proof, that they do existence to these people. And if they don't get in their way, they try to be, like I said, like a terrorist. They try to, how can I make this person feel lower? Yeah. Because they make me feel like I was

Benyi: 1:03:08

not. Because I was already rejected.

Rich: 1:03:10

Yeah. That's what's, that's, that's. I can't believe that was said. That's just a

Filipe: 1:03:15

crazy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying that because I'm like, no, no, no, no. I'm saying that things to people like people still saying that people still saying that they're saying that to near 30 saying that to a 20 year old. So I will not

Benyi: 1:03:25

forget to feel. But like, you know, like you said, I feel like energy never lies. That's a thing that I'm discovering lately. Like, when you, you know, that gym, the thing, that sanctuary of ours where, like, we, you know, I feel safe, you feel safe, you feel safe here, like, when I see somebody who does intention, it, I might be wrong, who knows, I'm not 100 percent right, but it doesn't cost me anything to protect myself and be like, Oh, yeah, person. I don't know what they're here for. Like, you know, like I don't want to talk to them that much, you know, like I'm doing me and I'm in that one. It doesn't cost me anything to protect myself from that because you know, that's not what I'm here for. But yeah, I want you to let's end with that. So like, what would you say to somebody who like rich and I is in recovery and, you know, we like to start going to the gym. But as not has experience or never like really worked out, they want to, you know, they're on, um, on a discovery mode, like trying to find, uh, a new thing to replace their, their bad habits or like they're using habits, you know, they're trying to find something to fill that void.

Filipe: 1:04:56

I would tell them to, if it's fitness wise, and having a hard time with that, find a place where you could be in a group. Same way as you guys do in AA, the reason why you guys get so good at talking about how you feel is because you have a group that will support you. Yeah. And if you try to go on your own without having anybody there to help you, it's gonna be harder. You have to do it on yourself. And on yourself, it could be a lot harder. So if you have a group, meaning if you go to a place and I'm going to say names, like, um, you know, I'm guessing at 45, I look at box, say OTF, I go into theory. Those places, as much as they are very, just guided in classes, you have people that are trying to match up on the things they're doing. So you're always going to be able to understand it going through a little bit when they're working out and you never know either, just like our class. It could be before in between, after you're going to find that person is like, they're just talking to you. And. They are there for a reason besides just working out. That's why they're doing group fitness. Group fitness, you, you're missing something, you need to help. From other people to make yourself better and then after it helps, it does. So if you need is to support group, I would say group fitness, find a place where you could be in a group. They could have people to support you if you don't your own and you don't have that support, you might fall off faster. And I know people that do that. Yeah, so I'm going to say people are doing recovery. I appreciate it because I know which my dad would do that. I know for a fact he's going to, I'm, I'm telling you, keep calling it. He's definitely going to die. Without going because he doesn't think is a problem. So I'm sorry Um, and i'm happy with people that do it because I always see like a difference And me and Jesse did the same thing. A person that is in recovery, right? If they went back to drinking, if they were going back to drinking because of not because of, they want to get drunk, but because they like the flavor of our fucking beer and there's drinking the one beer we were even telling her, like, her dad could go back to that if he could, but does he have the control? And does he want that? You know, like, so we do. If not, no. He saw me the other day and missed the flavor of beer. Not that he wanted to drink it. So I'm like, does he know my effort now is to drink, to give him a. Uh, non alcoholic beer, so you can just enjoy that and feel like, you know, it's still part of everything, you know? Um, people still can have, as long as they could understand the group thinking what they're trying to help each other, they're not trying to fall for all that, that stuff, you know, they need support. And I appreciate you guys getting this support. We'll discuss it all the time. You guys do what you think. And hopefully I never have to be in there because I'm not trying to be that person. Right. I drink like once every two weeks and I drank like one or two drinks and call it a day and I could do that, but I feel like. I got to go tomorrow. Good. I've dated people that left the house with a beer at 2 a. m. After I'm like, you don't need to drink the half of the beer in the car. What's wrong

Benyi: 1:07:30

with you?

Rich: 1:07:31

But in a positive way for your father, even though you're saying you're seeing that he might never, people said that my family said the same thing about me. They were like, like to me, seriously, they were like, he's not going to sell. And they were praying. They were doing prayer chains and I was going to church. I was praying saying. God help me. I got a problem. I knew I was an alcoholic. No, you were saying that you won't. And isn't that a venge? He doesn't. We just

Filipe: 1:07:58

gotta hope. But no, no. Oh, no, no. I still hope, oh, I still have hope. Because, because

Rich: 1:08:02

I'm just saying no, he will not listen to you. He will not listen to any of any of your family. But eventually, if you actually are like, you know what problem? He's a radio loan. He's a regular loan.

Filipe: 1:08:15

He knows we're not close. He comes home and he tries to push somebody else away. Nobody's close to him. So he's pushing stuff. The only people that are close to him are the girls that are the bartenders. That he gives the money to and buys gifts for you know, I know that because he tells me hey Can you buy a bouquet of things for them because he doesn't know how to do it. So he asked me to do it. Okay well They think I want to be near like every time he does it I'm like this. What is wrong man? And then my mom knows she's like this Uh, I'm not here for him. I'm going to, I'm going to help him because he needs help. But yeah, she's already knows. I told him, I guess, live your life. Do your thing, mom. Do your thing. You don't need them. Do

Rich: 1:08:54

your thing because you got to be as much as supportive as you can. Don't let it hurt you. And then hopefully it makes the change because the thing is once it, and like what you were telling Jess, when she was engaged through whatever that got. And you were like, well, is this a problem? You know, you wanna do what's best for you. And that's the whole thing with like, people like Al-Anon is such a great program. I, I've never been, but like from, I've been to one meeting or two meetings and I've heard about it. Like families of alcoholics. Mm-Hmm. And they go and they listen to other families. Yeah. There's an AA

Filipe: 1:09:27

for our people, right? Yeah.

Rich: 1:09:28

It's called that. It's called, yeah. And, and it's a great thing and, and you know, you just wanna hope. That, you know, he doesn't want to hurt himself and that everybody else and your mom doesn't get it. That's

Filipe: 1:09:41

also, that's also the problem here, rich. And I don't want to say anything bad to people, but I've had to experience a moment where I couldn't just take his bullshit. And I called them out on something he did to my mom. I was like, listen, why would you pay a fake ticket on my mom's car? Cause he wanted to like, he wanted to let her know that he knew where she was at. So instead of getting to tell her like move or get out to where you're at, hanging out, he went to her car, put a ticket. That was not a ticket and then try to terrorize her a little bit. So she will leave. And I'm like, why would you ever do this? I called them out. I'm like this, why would you leave her a ticket? I didn't do such a thing. I have nothing wrong. It was not a real ticket, just a piece of paper. And it was handwriting. I'm like this, listen, no offense. I know you, this is your handwriting. I would never do that. If I would do that, do you think I would do this? And he picks up the drawer, gets a knife and he was going to hurt himself. He was going to tell me that by hurting himself, he was telling the truth. Oh, which I'm sure you guys experienced so much. Oh, yeah So i'm looking at him like this right away. I didn't know it was a it was a flight boat I didn't have a chance to do anything grabbed his arm took the knife out put him on the ground Left him on the ground didn't hurt him Just put him on the ground and he's like yelling and telling like my brother Do you see what he's doing to me? And i'm like, yeah, come over here like don't brother Please come over here. Look what i'm watching. Look at this drunk guy that i'm holding on the ground. He's gonna hurt himself Um, and he's watching this and i'm telling my brother like this just so you know, just so you look This is not your problem. This is not your fault. I'm going to remember this tomorrow um, but he went to my grandparents, uh that I He went to my grandparents that I hurt him for a reason He went to tell my grandpa as I hit him Yeah, and that's what he went to tell my grandparents while my grandfather was still alive, which And I didn't talk to my grandparents after that because I felt like that's what they thought Yeah, and I'm like, I swear to you, never would have done anything like that to my dad. I've said to not let him hurt himself. And that was a flight mode. I had to do that. I hated that to do that. But even then, I didn't do anything. Just took the knife out

Rich: 1:11:36

and just kept on the ground. That's the biggest thing you got to do with the people that are, you know, like that. It's like, you just hope they don't hurt

Filipe: 1:11:41

themselves. So besides that, I'm saying I never had to do that again. Um, I think he went to the bathroom after that, and then he kept talking back, and then I punched a hole through the wall to the door, and he knows I'm not playing with him. Yeah. He like, because he closed the door, he was like, oh, you think I'm doing it? And he like, he did like a thing and then closed the door. And my intention was like, oh yeah, and I punched a hole right through the door so I could talk to him. And I, I spoke to him right through the door like this, Yeah? I was letting him know like, I just had to put you on the ground, and you're gonna run away and talk some crap. Like, please don't do that. Like, I'm, I just helped you. Don't do that. And then he left it alone, and he never mentioned it again. I've asked my brother, like, you, what, what did you see? I was like this, I saw him on the ground here. I saw him, and I, I'm like, okay. Yeah, alright. As long as you're okay. You know, he was probably 18. That's crazy. It sucks for him, man I've experienced that in my lifetime too. My dad was like that a lot So I got to experience things that were like violence all the time where I was like, this is You know my mom and everything. He took some doors down. Yeah, things got broken on time cops involved all the time They got separated in, uh, they tried to bring it to court where they had to pick one or the other when I was too young. Oh, man. I don't worry. I fucked up that. I really fucked that up. I'm so sorry guys. Don't do this. I told the court. I didn't want to be with. I was I chose. I said, I don't want to be with neither or both. I was like, the choice was either they both stick together or I don't. We go anywhere. Oh, and I think that's what I messed up. Yeah, I messed up. That's crazy. So this thing good for me. That's crazy.

Benyi: 1:13:07

I mean, ivory kid wants that to parents kid. Yeah. That's not the man. Like

Filipe: 1:13:15

10. She took questions to ask. Yeah. But I do, I want to see which one do you wanna pick to stick with From most of as I did, I spent five days at my dad's. The weakness of my mom's, they had girlfriends or boyfriends at the time and all of that made me feel insecure my whole life, right? They were never together. There was different people. They were not doing things good for each other. And I grew up with that a lot.

Benyi: 1:13:37

Yo man, that's a blessing that you didn't fall into alcoholism or addiction or having a life like that, you

Filipe: 1:13:43

know, I think it's because of all the problems. Even though he is like I became more of. I'm not sure, but I play around a lot, and I think I play a lot because I was not allowed to do that as a kid, because it did not allow me to be a kid, so, I can be wherever I want, I don't need you to be in my house, so

Rich: 1:13:58

it shows better. Kids turn into two, two things, children of alcoholics, this is just my theory, there's no proof. I think they either turn f opposite way. Yeah. Like I'll never do that. Or they go into alcoholism. My body doesn't allow it. Deep, deep. My body won't allow it. I shit, not you, but I'm just saying, most people, it's so much my system, I've heard like this where they're like, no, I, I will never do that because of what my father-in-law my mother did. Or they'll just like, well. I'm

Filipe: 1:14:29

supposed to because they're my system and I know that I mean, like, they're like, they drink up. So I'm like, my grandfather did that. That's the way he does it. Everybody does it. I think it's in my system so much that when I drink, I can't even tell what the limit is. Like, I'll just, why I say I drink one or two drinks and then call it a day because I don't know what the limit is. If I try to find the limit, I won't know until I get sick because I don't know. I can't feel it. You know, I wanted to drink. Woo. I drink and I go, I'm still me. Gimme another one. That's how, that's what I'm saying. So that part, yeah, I can see why they would go that way, because I don't feel it. Yeah. They can't even really tell, but like, it's in the system for me. I'm like, I, I, I really know I'm okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Benyi: 1:15:07

Alright, Philippe, we gonna end there. Like, thank you very much for being, uh, guys. Don't too re thank you Rich for being like, you know, uh, joining us. Always, always enjoy and uh, I hope you guys, uh, will see you for the conclusion. Thanks. All right. All right. All right. That's it for, uh, this episode of Stairway to Redemption. Big thank you to, uh, Philippe for being the guest on this podcast and to Rach for assisting me. I hope that you guys, uh, I have a better understanding now of what, you know, fitness and the gym represent to me, how I find solace in going to the gym and, you know, especially doing kickboxing. I hope that this will help you guys to find whatever passion works for you and helps you stay sober in your sobriety. But if you were ever interested in starting your fitness journey to keep yourself spiritually fit, feel free to reach out to me or to reach out to Felipe. I will add his Instagram to the, um, to the description of the episode and yeah. Um, I guess, uh, you know, uh, happy new year and I will see you guys next week. Bye.