Episode 45: Solo Episode VIII

Hi, my name is Benny Johnson. As some of you know, I've been struggling with addiction. However, I decided to change my life and went into recovery. I started this podcast 90 days clean and I want to take you along in my journey. What does lie ahead of me? Let me be frank. I do not know. Will I ever drink again? I do not know. This is how Stairway to Redemption was born. It is my search for answer in a real time process of what is going to work for me. It is then my aspiration to help you figure out what is going to work for you. It is our journey together. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Stairway to Renaissance. Um, I would like to apologize in advance for dropping this episode kind of late, not on the usual Friday, but you know, a couple of days later, um, things got in a way, you know, some things happened. Uh, this week we have no guests. It's just going to be me for a solo episode. I think it was long due. Like, you know, I tried to make a solo episode every five episodes, I believe, or four episodes, depending. Yeah. So this episode was long due. And yeah, bear with me for about half an hour, hopefully. All right, guys, let's jump into it. First, what I would like to talk about is the, my state of the mind address, like, um, this week has been quite rough, uh, not sure if I mentioned it before, but I've been going to the 12 steps with my sponsor, uh, the past month, uh, and we, uh, recently, uh, focused, uh, attacked the fourth and the fifth step for, um, For those who are not familiar with the steps, uh, of Alcoholic Anonymous, um, the fourth step is about, uh, making a search and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. So, you know, it's a basically, um, a deep introspection. And, um, it also include like listing, uh, making a list of all the resentment we have, um, against people that hurt us in the past. And yeah, so I had to make that list on pen and paper and making a list and reliving painful moment can be mentally taxing, like, um. Uh, because, you know, those moments I leave them sometime randomly throughout the day thinking of stuff or like looking at the situation randomly at a situation that, you know, uh, that happened in my daily life that can trigger like some memories, but having to sit down there and think and make a list of why, who, and how, um, Yeah, who hurt me? Why? And you know, what was my part of all in it? It's very taxing mentally And I think it caught up with me this week like at the end of the week I felt like lack of energy and that's definitely partly why This episode has been delayed was like, I didn't, you know, it takes, it's harder for me to write, um, or to set up a solo episode and to do a regular one, uh, with a guest, because the interaction, I think for me, it's easier, but to, uh, even for a 30 minutes episode to set up a solo one, I need to be really motivated. And, you know, going through the four steps, making that inventory list of resentment, it was. It's definitely not ideal. So yeah, that's why, um, I took my time out, you know, I wanted to rest some no more. And you know what I did, I took a day, extra day off from work, uh, and, uh, I didn't hit the gym also. Uh, I took off the gym for two days. I was just, you know, resting at home, chilling, catching up on shows. Um, Trying to do some cleanup and, uh, processing my emotions and, um, yeah, like, uh, I was funny enough. I was, uh, at a meeting and somebody mentioned the importance of structure when you are in recovery, like, you know, having a daily routine. And looking for things to do and to the hour sometime, you know, like, for example, every day you go to the gym at nine o'clock, then you go to a meeting that you have work like that kind of like repetitive, repetitive structure that help that could help somebody. stay on the right path. And I really, I do agree with that. And the structure definitely is something that helps, but there are times like, you know, the one like recently where I had to break that structure and just sit down in order to process my emotions because effect like, um, I was not. Quite myself. Like, um, oh, here's a great analogy. Uh, think about it as like driving and having a flat tire. Like, it's definitely not good for you, the driver and the car to keep driving on that flat. You need to stop the car, change the tire and then keep going. So that's how I see it. Um, Yeah. So for me, breaking my routine and taking a break from it is like similar to changing a tire so I can, you know, go on, move on safely. And, um, it's necessary to process, you know, emotions, those emotions of, uh, you know, anger, guilt and stuff that I was feeling when I was banking my list of inventory. Uh, yeah, I believe it's necessary to process them and to stay also spiritually fit and uh That's it for my state of the mind address. All right, let's move on The, uh, yeah, the next thing I want to talk about, this is the first solo episode after the one year anniversary of the podcast. Although the anniversary was last month, October or like October 14th, I would like to take a minute to thank all of you who are listening to the podcast and who share it around. I remember when I started this, it was all about documenting my journey in the recovery world. Try to inspire people, but more about like documenting my journey and having like, um, how you Call it a repository of, um, of my state of minds of a different, you know, for example, the way I was thinking at six months will not be the way I was going to think, uh, about, um, these at, uh, you know, maybe a year and a year and a half. And I think like, they're like example of this, like, for example, um, yeah, I mentioned the steps earlier, early, my recovery, I was not. Into doing the steps were not my priority. My priority was just to stay sober and like being balanced and not live in fear. But now, uh, that I'm, uh, sober for a while. Um, I think like, you know, I'm willing and I'm willing to learn the steps because I think I can learn, you know, it doesn't hurt to learn, uh, new tweaks or like to, uh. I wanted to say, uh, uh, update my arsenal, but whatever it's the, what of like learning new tricks or something like that? Um, because I could always learn. And like they say, like, how can you learn something that you don't? Thing you don't know. So it's very important to, in order to learn, to acknowledge that there's something I don't know, and I'm willing to explore and, uh, yeah. So, you know, I had no idea at the time that like, uh, this podcast will impact so many people. Uh, we had over a thousand listens in the first year. Uh, that's, that's, I think for me, that's impressive. Uh, not even 50 episodes. So can you think about it? That's crazy. Um, So yeah, I would like to thank you guys, and I believe that you guys are the real MVP. Alright, next. So yeah, speaking of anniversaries, so I think what comes naturally next is to talk about what I've planned for next year. Well, um, I'm in the process of coming up with some Stairway to Redemption merch. I think, uh, the project is still in its infancy, but I would like, I would love to release like, you know, a few hoodies or shirts and why not? Um, that was, uh, you know. Just because, um, I wear my sobriety on my sleeves and, uh, yeah, so what, what would be greater than just making it literal by wearing like merch of like stairway to redemption or something, anything that says like sober and proud. Um, I would also like to collab maybe with another recovery podcast or like some sober bars. To, um, uh, to maybe organize a Super Bowl sober viewing party. Uh, I noticed like those big events, you know, ideally, let me correct this. Ideally, I would love to have a space, a sober space where we could watch sports. For those who know me, I love, uh. For, I love sports for, from formula one to soccer to, you know, and, uh, most of the sport I watch now, I watch it from home. I could go to a bar and watch them. I will not be tempted. I'm in a state where I think I'm spiritually strong and fit enough to, to watch sports, you know, in a bar, but like, I don't know, I always wonder what it would like if like sober people who are into sport had their own. Space where they could just watch sports and I will order if you feel, you know, just curious if we feel the same energy It will be boring Like I'm sure it will definitely be rowdy because I'm still way too invested in in sport even after being sober, but Yeah, so since that's not a thing yet Uh, I was thinking that we could organize something for big events. So like the Super Bowl is a big event enough and basketball finals is a big event enough. Like, you know, those like maybe World Series, even if I don't watch baseball. But yeah, we've, um, the Super Bowl coming in February, that leaves us. For about two months and a half, I believe, uh, to do something. So, you know, this is something that I have in the works and, uh, hopefully I could get there, but if anyone has any idea or space or would like to help and contribute, yeah, let me know, reach out, uh, on Instagram or, you know, via email. All right. All right. All right. What else do I have here? Um, oh yeah. So about what I still have to do, I still have plan for next year. Um, I'm looking for new guests with different approach to their sobriety or sobriety. Uh, I also notice in my choice of get my fondness for Uh, the episodes that focus on purpose and a holistic approach. Um, because yeah, those episodes can help anyone. They don't, they're not centered to, they're not, um, addiction centric. So like, you know, people who even don't suffer from addiction can listen to them, but they're like very, they're just about life, you know, very educational. And, uh, yeah, those, uh, Definitely like to have more of those episodes though. But, uh, I know at a core, a service to redemption is a podcast about addiction and recovery, and I don't want that to change, but it's always good to have a good, um, how you variance of, uh, variance of variation, uh, whatever. Like one of those two words, uh, yeah, I digress, like a good, uh, mix of the guests. And if you want to be a guest on the podcast, yeah, let me know, hit me up for sure. All right. All right. Let's move on to the final point. Finally, I would like to update you guys on the books that I've been reading. So in addition to listening to podcasts, uh, I like, I've been reading a bunch of books That, uh, that really helped me staying sober, uh, throughout my journey. Um, I think the one book that I'm going to start, of course, you have the Daily Stoic that everybody knows about with Ryan Holiday that could not recommend enough. Uh, that one is just like a daily passage, um, of stoicism. Uh. I think I mentioned it in other podcasts, so I'm not going to, um, stay, uh, on it long. Uh, oh, by the way, all the descriptions for the books that I've been reading going to be added to the, uh, to the description of this episode. So if you like to look for them, get them, I have a link. Uh, but yeah, so another book that I found very interesting is, uh, Dry Humping by Toni Lara. She was a guest on the podcast. Uh, I believe she was, uh, on the episode of Sober Dating. I don't know what number we was exactly, but the title was Sober Dating. And, uh, Dry Humping by Toni Lara. Um. It's very good for those who want to explore the dating world sober. I couldn't recommend this book enough. It's funny. It's, uh, you can identify with it a lot. And also she has some really great advice on things like simple, like, um, what a great first date will do, could be that doesn't involve going to a restaurant or to a bar, you know, and also that is not a coffee shop. I mean, I don't understand why people Have against coffee shop, I guess I love Going to the coffee shop, but she definitely said something that, um, uh, that like, um, tickled my mind a bit is that first date could be an activity and like going to a coffee shop is not activity because you just sit there and drink the coffee, which is true, I guess, activity, physical activity will. You know take the mind of the awkwardness of the first date, which I can totally see happening And yeah, like she has some great advice and shout out to her Tony So yeah, the book again is dry humping what a funny title Uh, and yeah, look in the description for this episode description for the link to the book. Yeah. Another book that I have is, is, uh, how to listen with intention, uh, by Patrick, uh, Patrick King is called the foundation of true communication. And, uh, true connection, communication and relationships. So funny story about this book. I got it from, uh, Airbnb host while I was in Toronto last summer. And the book was in the room where I was staying and I started reading it. I really liked it, and I asked the host if he read it himself, and funny enough, they say he said no, that the book was just there as, you know, um, a decorative piece, uh, for guests, and he gave it to me, so, wow, uh, and I read it, so. This, this book tells a lot about that a lot of us, I'm not going to say most of us, a lot of us suck at listening that we just talk. Over each other, and though we don't take the time to listen to each other, even, and even if we, when we listen, we don't necessarily listen with intentions. There's a difference basically between listening to somebody just hearing what they have to say and listening with intentions. And the, the gist of listening with intention is listening with empathy, making basically trying to empathize with somebody and empathizing is not necessarily agreeing with somebody can still disagree with someone still not. Even when you put yourself in their shoes. Still not, um, agreeing with what they did or the way they did it. Still believe that you have done it a different way, but it's still possible to understand their emotions. Like, you know, the way I see it is, I mean, that's a gloom example, but like. When somebody lose a close one who was murdered and decide to get revenge I mean all of us will say like oh, no You should not get revenge on yourself by yourself because you know, there's the law and there's the police but we can still Empathize a person feeling to want to see justice by themself because of how close they were to that last one that they lost at the hands of somebody else. It's understand, you can understand somebody's rage, understand how they feel and not still not agreeing on the way on them wanting. To seek revenge themselves. Like, I don't know, it's a, it's a glue example, but I guess like it, it gets the point across. And one thing that, uh, I really learn in this book is especially with relationships. I learned that I used to be dismissal of somebody's feelings. In past relationships when the person, uh, my partner was not following logic, you know, like the girl I'm dating at the time, she's having an episode and all of a sudden, you know, she, she's afraid of something or she's concerned by something, but like. It doesn't make sense. Like there's no reason why she should be afraid. No. Um, or why she, uh, should be concerned because there's no evidence that what she's getting afraid, she's afraid of is going to happen. First of all, or did happen. So, you know, it's all in her head basically. And when I used to see that it was all in her head that she was just going to, I used to be dismissive of those feelings because I didn't follow logic and I'm like, Oh, here we go again. And what I learned through this book is how to listen with intention is like, it doesn't matter if those, um, If her, uh, their fears are logical or not, but because why it doesn't matter because the feelings to the way they feel about them is real and those feelings are real to them. So from the moment they're real to them, where there's logical or not. It doesn't matter because yes, the experience, those feelings are the fullest. So what I learned is like, even if somebody is not making sense and the fear of something happening, trying to empathize with them is the way. And it can also be both beneficial to her, uh, to them. I mean, I'm using her because you know, like, uh, but like to them, because you can take them from a state of panic to a state of reassurance, but it is also beneficial for me, for us, the other person who's taking the effort because you also avoiding conflict and you. Also understanding how somebody can get into the head and like all of us, like even the great Seneca says it, uh, we suffer more in imagination that we do in reality, reality, how many times we play scenarios in our head that never pan out. So, you know, even if we try to put some sense into it, logically that things will happen. How many times the things we always plan for never happen. So yeah, like this book, how to listen with intention definitely has, uh, some great, uh, insight on how to shut up more and listen, like talk more, talk less. Yeah. Or shut up more, whatever. Talk less and listen more. That's what I wanted to say. All right. So. The last book I want to talk about is a book actually that was mentioned in how to listen with intention. And it's a book called Emotional Intelligence. Why it can matter more than IQ. And this one was written by Daniel Goldman. So this book, be careful, it is very technical. Uh, at least the first part of it, I'm still reading it right now. And, uh, it's basically, uh, Daniel Goleman didn't create the concept of emotional intelligence, but he's a professor at a forgotten one university who made it definitely more famous. That book came out, I think in 94, uh, but it's at its fourth edition right now. It's a book I will love everybody to at least read a summary of it, or like at least learn about the concept in it, because even in the preface, preface or preface, whatever of this book. He acknowledged that with the, the, the event of social media and those, uh, superficial connection that we make and that like, even that like emotional intelligence is a skill that somebody that everyone should try to develop or to improve on, especially with the event of social media in our life, because we make so many more connections, but less at the different level. Yeah, that are more superficial and we are not necessarily equipped as human beings to deal with it and, uh, because you know, the, we, you, we all know this, like fear of missing out, like thinking that like somebody's life's better, but through looking at their social media. The anxiety of true social media and stuff. It's developing one's emotional intelligence. And what I like about this book, it goes first by, uh, the first part I read is making, um, A comparison between IQ, because in the 1900s, from the twenties to now, less now, but the twenties, the boomers and the generation after the boomers were really centric IQ, centric, like, Oh, you have a great IQ, you're going to do a great in life. And Daniel Goldman first tried to disprove that, that like the correlation between IQ and success is not, uh, there's no actual, that might, there's not even a correlation. So less of a causation that you, that having a great IQ will lead you to having like a great life, but he made a correlation also between emotional intelligence. And your success in life, basically, dealing with emotion and what life throws at you is a better indicator of how you're going to succeed in life. Then are you actual IQ and, uh, yeah. So like that, I'm still reading about it and it's still great. And, uh, the funny part is I read, I heard about this. In yeah, how to listen with intention. So by reading a book, I saw the reference to another book and then I'm reading the reference book and this one also has other reference book. And I feel like I'm diving into a, into a rabbit hole of, uh, books about emotional intelligence, listening, and that kind of stuff. I feel like those books I'm reading right now are helping me stay spiritually fit and I understand people. Not only I learned more about myself, I learned also about how people, what makes people tick and reacts. So the benefit of learning how people work mentally, it allows me not to flip shit. You know, like to, to go apeshit when somebody provokes me or when somebody irritates me, don't get me wrong, I still get angry. I'm angry almost every day, but now I'm of the tools to let it flow, you know, um, but yeah, it's all, it's, it's, it's great way to understand how somebody thinks, how things works. Um, yeah, like, uh, so yeah, those were the book that I've been reading. Think that's it. Yeah. We are what, 28 minutes, 30 minutes with Mark. All right guys. Uh, yeah, this pieces, I don't know how to close it. I'm not asking it way. Alright guys. Um, so yeah, I cannot wait to see you guys, uh, next week. And with a new guest and, um, take care of yourself guy. Bye.